I know that the way out of the building was not supposed to be through a barricaded door in the basement. I know at that moment that there were no other options though, so that is all I was left with. Every time I think about that it gives me the absolute creeps, but also reminds me of how awesome our God is. So many times in my life, it is when I am left with nothing that I make room for God to do everything. That is exactly what happened (and had to happen) here. I was so helpless and vulnerable, and obviously not where I was supposed to be at that time, but he led me out and it allowed me to see His hand in the smallest details.
The lady at reception asked to take my passport to copy it, and I told her no. She seemed a little shady and I was only going to be there a matter of hours, so I told her I would show it to her but she couldn't take it. That is not like me at all. In fact, in working overseas I have become so used to people taking my passport for just about anything. I even got asked for my passport when I went to buy M&M's at the airport one time! So for me to have said no to giving my passport to someone is very unlike me. Also, I was exhausted so it would be my natural reaction to just do whatever they asked of me. Instead, I didn't even think about it and said no. In retrospect I am SO GLAD I did not give that woman my passport for any period of time. That was God working in that moment.
Another part of the night that I know God was fully involved in was the time that I left the building. My room was not heated and it was COLD. Thailand doesn't get cold and I had just come from NZ summer, so I was not prepared for cold weather in Hong Kong. Then when my room was not heated and not insulated it left me shivering. I think this was an act of God though, because when I woke up in the morning I literally put my flip-flops on (only one in Hong Kong wearing flip-flops....everyone else had boots on) and grabbed my bag and left. I had no desire to hang around in the cold. I also am pretty anal about getting places on time. I think this stems from my parents always being late for everything, so I guess I can thank them too ;) So I wanted to make sure that I got to the airport with plenty of time to spare. The woman at reception had asked me several times when I was leaving in the morning, and then she suggested a time that I leave. I told her yes, and then she confirmed 3 times with me that I would be leaving at the time she asked. I thought nothing of it at the time, because I was so tired and she was just getting a little annoying. So I nodded my head, assured her I would leave then and left. I actually ended up leaving at 5:25am instead of 6am, a whole 35 minutes earlier than I said I would be going. As I was trying to open the doors and found them locked, it hit me that I had told her exactly what time I was leaving the building and when I would be on my way out.
I had also confirmed with her multiple times that I would not bring my key past a certain door in the morning. Nothing made sense as I was at reception because I did not know the door she was talking about. I thought it would all make a lot more sense when I saw it, so I kind of ignored the sense of urgency in her voice and agreed. I told her I would NOT bring my key past this door. So in the morning, I left the key where she told me to leave it, walked my way through a self-locking door and proceeded to walk, without a key, through a series of doors that all locked behind me. She had told me so many times NOT to bring my key through that door. That sure was racing through my mind also as I went to unlock the doors and realized I had no key. It was in that moment when I put together the fact that she told me to leave my key so adamantly and she knew exactly what time I was leaving the building (and had confirmed it with me 3 times) that I felt overwhelmed with panic and knew I was in trouble. As I walked down those stairs, and I honestly don't know how I did, my legs felt like jello. I have no better way of explaining the feeling than saying my body was petrified or frozen with fear and for some reason I was still walking. My legs didn't feel attached to me and just felt jello-like. I don't know if I knew in the moment that my prayers for protection were certainly being heard and God was carrying me, but in retrospect this is the only way to make sense of that. In the moment, however, I felt like I was being directed by someone other than myself. Every motion or movement I took was quick and fluid and I felt like I wasn't doing a lot of thinking. If I had paused to think about the situation I was in I would likely have curled up in fetal position and been a mess. As I think about how quickly my mind processed and moved and didn't even think about how terrifying some of the things were, I know this was God. As I processed things more (when I was on the bus), they became more frightening, and if I was processing them as they were happening to that extent, I don't think I would have made it out of there.
A lot of people have asked me how I could even go down those basement stairs, and I can't tell you. I am scared of the dark in my own house and would not go down dark stairs if they were familiar to me. I am not exactly the most courageous person I know (far from that, actually), so it is overly evident that all of this was God guiding me through every step. I will probably never be able to explain to you the feeling of fear that I experienced or get you to understand exactly how terrifying that basement was, but I hope you can understand that we have a God who protects us during the scariest times and acts in ways that we don't even know. I keep thinking of all the tiny details that were probably all part of God's plan for my safety, and it overwhelms me. The details that he planned seem so well planned out, when it was only one days decisions and actions affecting the next day. I try to imagine that God has us doing things in our life now that may be connected to things we do 50 years from now, and it blows my mind! He knows every detail and plans everything so much more intricately than we could ever fathom. I think of myself as an organized person, but the amount of pre-planning and organization that goes into even a day of our lives is too much for my mind to handle!
If anyone would like to pray that the nightmares I am having would take a hike, that would be awesome, and greatly appreciated. It has been a couple weeks without a solid night of sleep, and I so badly want good sleep back!
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