Perspective Shifting

Sometimes in life you really wish you had a camera on your forehead and could capture the glorious creation that surrounds you as you explore. I often bring my camera places and don't take a single picture, because I am too busy enjoying God's creation. I then think back and wish I had captured the memories, but then often am thankful for my trigger-happy friends! It's funny that when two people have cameras at an event, there can be very different pictures taken, with only a few overlapping to show that they were taken at the same event. Different perspectives of the same event produce completely different images and experiences. I personally love taking landscape photos. It's not that I don't like people, but there is something so awesome about capturing the beauty that is in my surroundings rather than the people around me. So when I come back with a camera full of images, there are likely to be 98 of the grass and 2 of my friends and I. Someone else may have 98 of the people that were present, and only 2 to show the place we were.

I wished that I had this camera on my forehead as I was riding my bike last week. All of the sudden I looked up to see the sun setting over a farmers field. I had been so focussed on biking and getting home that I hadn't noticed the absolute beauty I was cycling through. I was on a lonely, quiet, country road with not a single car and all I could see was the sun setting over this field. Every small sound of  my bike wheels turning seemed louder in that moment, because it was everything I could hear. This was a beautiful moment and one I do not want to take for granted. Number one, the sun hardly ever presents itself in Langley, and secondly I was able to be on a quiet country road with mountains all around me as the sun set. It was a picturesque moment.

Moments later in my bike ride I wished I had that same camera in my eyeballs. This time though, was for a less picturesque moment. It was one of those moments when you are looking around and being aware of your surroundings. I had just learned to look around moments before this as I saw this beautiful view. Now as I looked around, however, the view was not so spectacular. I realized why I would bike looking directly in front of me. It is like running: if you look directly at your feet you don't notice you are going uphill. Well, alright, this lasts maybe 10 seconds before my body tells me I'm an idiot for thinking this "trick" would work. But still, I think it mentally helps to not look at the hill in front of you. This time I am looking around and take a good look in front of me. I know where I need to go and can clearly see that for me to get to that spot I need to go up what looks like the equivalent of a ski hill. At first I thought that the lights I could see way in the distance and at the top must be streetlights, and therefore were much higher than I needed to go. Moments later I realized that streetlights don't move and come down the hill like the car lights I was seeing do. At that moment I wanted to laugh at what that hill looked like, and wished I could share this experience with someone else. But nope, no camera in my eyeballs....or at least not one that I can share with other people!

As I rode up this hill I thought about the difference between now and when I first started riding my bike everywhere. I probably would have been dying a couple months ago riding up this same long, treacherous hill, but instead I was enjoying it. I find enjoyment in the small moments of pushing your body physically and achieving something, and these moments are plenty with the multitude of hills around. I also noticed that the hill just flew by and this 16km-primarily-all-uphill bike ride that I had kind of been dreading was over before I knew it. Somehow I had gotten through that bike ride without even noticing it, which came as quite a surprise.

This same shift in perspective I was talking about with photographing an event all of the sudden appeared in my bike riding. Something that before was daunting is all of the sudden a challenge and enjoyable, which makes the whole experience that much greater. I was able to have my dad here for the past few days for graduation and he provided me with some wise words. As we were driving home and I was explaining to him that this is where I bike home, the old man's (he loves it when I call him this) response was great. Kind of annoying, but great. He said that professional cyclists would die to live in a place like this. They probably have to go hundreds of kilometres to find a hill that is as lengthy as that. They would have to do many laps of a much more pathetic, smaller hill to compare to what is here. Therefore I should count it as a blessing. See what I mean? Kind of annoying, but very wise! I had never thought of it quite like that, but in my defence I am no where near to a professional cyclist and this is probably why I find it much harder to view monstrous hills as such a blessing. Life is so much more enjoyable when I am able to look at obstacles as a challenge that I can conquer rather than grumbling. I pray that God would give me the eyes to view not only bike riding, but life in this way always!

Bikers Beware!

Today was a big day. I tend to enjoy challenges (a lot!) and today I had the chance to conquer something that scares me. There is a stretch of road in Langley that I don't even like to drive on, and the mere thought of attempting to navigate my way through it on a bicycle was intimidating. Its right where about 47 streets connect and the highway can be seen. There are cars that come diagonally into an intersection, as well as cars entering from the highway off-ramp and regular oncoming traffic. Just thinking about it makes my heart beat a little faster. This is apparently a biker-friendly part of town because they have been so kind as to put bike lanes in. Maybe biker-friendly isn't the correct term though. I'm sure it would be imminent death to a biker if there were no bike lanes here.

Today I had an appointment and it was directly on the other side of this crazy section of road. I accepted the challenge, and decided to overcome my fear of the 200th and 88Ave crazy-area (that's a technical term!). I think when you do something like this you get a little extra adrenaline, which always helps to push you up the hills. The entire way back is a hill to my house and this adrenaline worked to surge me up the hill.....I'm not even sure I was pedalling anymore ;)

I think that anyone who builds a road and makes a bike lane should by law have to get on a bike and test out their bike lane. If someone had done this, I think they might have rethought some of their plans. When you are cruising along with the fumes of transport trucks wafting into your face, and their tires just inches from your pedals, it is not comforting to all of the sudden be panic stricken trying to relocate where the bike lane has gone. I was following the bike lane, and then all of the sudden it disappeared.Where the heck did it go, and what was I supposed to do in the mean time? Find it? Nope. I just kept pedalling pretending like I didn't know I wasn't in the bike lane. There are several parts where the bike lane takes a vacation and then all of the sudden reappears. Sorry road man (i.e. the man who plans the roads), but I can't exactly take that same vacation that the bike lane is! I must get home and momentary air travel is no option (although that would be sweet!). There are also stretches where you are following the bike lane, and then you are redirected to cross when it is safe into another lane. Checking my blind spot while on a bicycle has always come as a bit of a challenge to me, and I never know how fast I am going compared to that oncoming car. Talk about an adrenaline rush! My internal thoughts are telling me that I can beat the car, and the minute I take that irreversible pedal into the path of the vehicle it all becomes a little clearer. Sometimes I have a lot of room, and other times I wish I had a better internal judging mechanism (sorry if you are reading this mom....I am being safe!).

All in all, today has been a great day! I accepted an internal challenge and conquered a stretch of road that I have always feared riding! And the best part is that I got to do this all in the glorious, glorious sunshine :)

Losing my Independence....

I have come to the realization that I have not lost my freedom at all through bicycling everywhere. Instead, I have never felt quite so free as I have had in this past month and a bit. What I have lost, however, is my independence. Independence is something that I cling so strongly to, and is something that is so comfortable. I was born to be a dependent, but every part of me wants to be independent.

When I think of the struggles that I have in my spiritual life, many problems are rooted in this thinking. Instead of allowing God to work through me and depending on Him willingly, I often think that I can do everything on my own. It is not until I am at rock bottom that I finally surrender to God and look for his help. If only I wasn't so stubborn and could learn to be dependent through all times, and not only the toughest ones. In Romans 14:7-9 it paints a picture of the dependence we are to have on God and the relationship that should exist between ourselves and God: "For we do not live to ourselves alone and we do not die to ourselves alone. If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live, or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living". God wants us to be dependent on Him, and he longs for his children to seek him in all situations, not just the tough ones.

I know that I desire to have independence, and I sincerely often thought that this independence was helping others. I often insist that I can do something on my own, because I do not want to inconvenience someone in any way. I would rather help them by helping myself. Recently I have discovered that this may be faulty thinking. In fact, through always wanting to "help" others by doing things on my own, I am actually denying them a chance to help me and love me through helping. During the first weeks of biking everywhere, I insisted on doing everything on my own, and was too embarrassed/stubborn to ask for help. Going from biking 0 km/week (year?haha) to suddenly biking hundreds of (hilly) kilometers in a week was a rough transition, and was pretty tiring. I felt like this was my own problem and my own fault, so no one else should have to inconvenience themselves by helping me. Then one morning, my body decided to show me that it was not alright with this drastic change in physical activity. The low blood sugar problem that got me into this mess in the first place paralyzed me once again. This came as little surprise to me, however, because a drastic increase in physical activity will definitely impact my blood sugar levels. My insulin receptors start acting differently, and I was playing a bit of a guessing game with the amount I should decrease my long acting insulin. I lost the game that day. After this happened, a good friend of mine told me this: "Chrissy, by not asking people for rides, you are not letting them love you". Ouch. Really? I had not thought of it this way. I thought I was helping others by being self-sufficient, but really I was being prideful and not letting others in.

This was another tough moment to swallow, because I began to wonder how often I do things in my life with what I think are good intentions, but are really slightly skewed? Since this I have been slowly accepting people's kind offers, and no longer refusing help and insisting I am fine on my own. Through this, God has been showing me small glimpses of His work, and it has been really awesome. When I first lost my license, I was chatting with my landlady and told her what happened, and she told me that whenever I needed to go anywhere, I should just come upstairs and ask her and she would take me. This sounded wonderful, but I left and thought "there is no way I would ever ask for a ride". After I had this moment of revelation that I needed to start becoming more dependent, God placed an opportunity in front of me. Probably as a little bit of a test to see if I am learning anything (good assessment!). I think I passed. I accepted a ride from my landlady and she drove me to the grocery store and I got to go with her to pick up one of her daughters. As we were driving, we had the chance to have a really great conversation, and I know this would not have happened if I had not accepted her ride.

This same day, as I was exiting the grocery store, I realized I was not in my usual mindset. I was exiting the grocery store with no car of my own to go to. Instead of walking out, head down, completely focused on finding my vehicle and thinking of the next 12 things I have to do within 5 minutes, I found myself looking around. I realized my ride was not there, and I had something rare: time. It was a gift. Now if you know me, I am not exactly the type of person who would start a conversation with someone when I don't know them. I'm shy, and usually a friendly hello or a smile is all I can muster. All of the sudden, I found myself in a strange place. I was standing by some flowers and there was a mom standing with a young boy who was playing and had a very mischievous look on his face. The mom looked frustrated and annoyed. I looked up at her and exclaimed, "well it looks like he's having fun". I wasn't really expecting anything, but all of the sudden this woman and I began talking. We talked for probably 10 minutes, which really shocked me. It was nothing spiritual or deep, but the woman left with a smile on her face. This was a lot different than the initially frustrated woman I had seen.

I would have never taken the time to see this opportunity for a simple conversation that would brighten someone's day before. All of the sudden I am seeing more and more how God is using this situation for the good. I am reminded of Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". I have been a witness to this verse many times in my life, and again it is something that I find myself reflecting on as it is resounding in my life.

A Healthy Dose of Awkward....

I am basically the queen of awkward situations, and this is not something that started once I got on a bicycle. No, it has been a longstanding part of my life, and something that provides quite a bit of entertainment to those who know me (and probably those who don't even know me)! However, this phenomenon has continued and maybe even increased in frequency as I don my dorky bicycling outfit (refer to description in last blog post if you are confused) and hit the streets. There is far too much potential for bad situations when on a bicycle, and I have been so lucky to have avoided a lot of the major sources of awkward on a bicycle (example: bailing hard).

I have, however experienced two awkward cycling moments recently. Both occurred in the same day, and I apologize to residents of Langley who may have had to witness these fantastic moments in my day.

First moment. I am starting out on the commute to school, and it is quite early and I am being woken up by the cool air and beauty of no rain (ideal way to wake up!). Once again, I am in my professional cycling outfit, which includes dress pants tucked into one sock and running shoes. I surged into the intersection (favourite) and all of the sudden within moments I was faced with a brilliantly awkward moment. Before I could do anything, my pant leg that is not tucked into my sock (non-chain side) starts conversing with my chain. AHHHHH. Moment of sheer panic. I have to abandon ship and awkwardly stop pedalling at that very second to avoid a potentially disastrous situation. Thank goodness for my speedy reaction time, and the timing of looking down and seeing this disaster in the making. I immediately stopped pedalling, which in itself is just weird. Not only is that weird, but let's remember that I am in the middle of the 200th street intersection. Not exactly the place I want to be stopping to take a small break. Now that my legs are off the pedals and I am suspended on my bike not pedalling (I am pretty sure you can only be like this for a second or two, and then you are bound to fall over), I make sure that my pant leg is released from the chain and successfully plant my feet on the ground. Ok, so all of this was a little less smooth than I making it sound. I was nervous and was close to completely losing my balance and wiping out in the intersection, but the important part is that this did not happen. I maintained composure and got one foot to the ground with only a minor hole in my pants from the chain. This is excellent news considering I was not far off from bailing hard in the intersection because my pant leg was eaten by my bicycle. I would not be loving Louise (my bicycle) if this was the case. So now I am off my bike (still in the intersection) and have to put my pant leg into my wool sock before I can proceed. I can imagine that this would be highly entertaining to watch if you were sitting in your vehicle at the intersection. All in all, the situation was just plain awkward. I was also scared that the light was going to change as I was standing in the intersection, but luckily there was a pedestrian (at 7 in morning......brilliant!) which made the light just long enough for me to evacuate the area before I got run over.

Fast forward several hours later to when I am leaving school. It is now raining, which makes bicycling even more of an adventure. I learned from my earlier mistake in the day (progress!) and tucked in BOTH pant legs this time. I was cruising down a hill and was thinking to myself "wow that rain sure seems a lot harder when you are riding so quickly into it". There is a problem with this thought. I assumed that I was riding quickly. I guess it must have been a long day, because that in itself would be a joke. For me to be riding quickly enough for it to be "raining" that hard into my face was probably unlikely. Anyways, I like to think that I am a bicycling machine that rides a lot quicker than I actually do, and maybe it was a good thing that I was delusionally convinced of this in that moment. So I am cruising down this hill and I am starting to not be able to see. I have done this ride a lot of times, and I know that there are several pot-hole-like areas down this road. Unfortunately I am being blinded by this intense "rain" and am getting a little scared that I may have a collision due to my not being able to see. So much so that I actually considered putting on sunglasses as I rode down the hill so that I could block the incoming rain from making me close my eyes. It was pretty grey out though, and there is a certain level of dorky that I am not willing to pass when sporting my already stylish attire.

As I am nearing the large corner of my ride, I notice that there is an accident up ahead. Most of the cars are turning around, and I am not sure what to do. I can't exactly just turn around and detour. Well, I could, but I'm lazy. And by lazy I mean that I would probably double the number of kilometers I would have to ride and it is already pouring rain. As I near the corner, I slow down and notice that there is a bad accident that has happened. I intend to see if I can just quickly get by on the sidewalk, but as I come closer I notice that there are 3 cars in front of me that are driving on the sidewalk to get around this accident. How dare they take up my territory on the road? Ridiculous. So I am now paused waiting for a spot to get through. Now cue the impecably awkward timing of the firetruck arriving just as I am waiting for a way to get out of this situation. The firetruck is coming up behind me, and all of the sudden I realize that I am in the way. Yes, I am on the sidewalk, but I suddenly realize that the firetruck might need to come up on the sidewalk to access the accident. Shoot. So I step off the side of the sidewalk, which just happens to be a steep downhill grassy ditch-like area. I am holding my bike and standing on such a slant that I am consciously trying not to fall over. I am just waiting for the firetruck to pass and then I am home free. Oh, but of course the firetruck does not pass. Instead, the truck doors stop RIGHT in front of me, and the firemen are unloading from the truck approximately 2 feet from my face. I feel awful/the most awkward. All I could say was "sorry, I'm so sorry" as I stood there and wished I could disappear just momentarily.

I got out of there as quickly as I could and finally made it to school. I entered the office and was greeted by a woman who took one look at me and proceeded to look slightly horrified. She then asked me if I needed somewhere to freshen up. Well, I am assuming if you look at me and ask me if I need to freshen up, that I probably do need to freshen up. I put my hand to my forehead and felt a crisp clump of mud under my fingertips. All of the sudden I had an awful realization. "I don't think that was rain" was what I thought. I proceeded to go to the washroom to discover that my face was completely covered with mud. Just awesome!

And to make it even better, I know that my face had that same mud on it when the firemen were getting out of their truck and I was apologizing to them. I probably looked crazy. Great!

I hope you have enjoyed sharing in these awkward moments with me, because they are becoming hilarious to experience as well. I am learning how to laugh at myself daily, and I'm throwing any bit of pride I once had out the window!