Discouraging Doctor

I seem to have some awful luck with doctors, and today was no exception to this. I had booked an appointment a month and a bit ago to see a diabetic doctor at one of the really well know international hospitals here. I was excited to finally have a doctor that spoke English, even if it did cost a little more. I even looked at the profile of all the doctors online and specifically chose this woman, because on her credentials listing it said that she had experience or a speciality in diabetic problems. I think their website may need some updating or something.

I arrived to the appointment, and entered the room and the doctor says "whats your problem?". I was a little caught off guard because I wasn't expecting to have her start in right away, and I didn't even know her name and we had never met. I realized though, that I am on a long roster of people that see the doctor, so she doesn't have time for me. She needs to get through things quickly, so she doesn't have time for menial details like my name, or the fact that I am diabetic. I told her I was having trouble with overnight lows with no pattern, and she looked at me and said "overnight? what does overnight mean?". DHLBJKSHCKJBJNCJK AHhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I am so sick of people not speaking English and having NO IDEA what I'm saying to them. Don't boast you are an English doctor when you don't know simple words. I then proceeded to act out sleeping and hoped I could get that across. She then got really confused, and said "are you diabetic?" Yes, genius. You are a diabetic specialist and all over my chart it says I am diabetic. What part of this is not clear. Do I need to speak in Thai? I can't, so it's probably best that I just leave.

The appointment only proceeded to get better. She looked at me and told me my "obesity is a problem". There had been no blood tests done at this point or any lab work, and she decided that I would need to be prescribed oral medication. Oral medication is for Type 2 diabetics, and she told me that normally Type 1 diabetics do not need it, but since I was so large I would need it. I am sick right now, so luckily my eyes are just naturally watering, so she couldn't tell the difference between tears and watering eyes. I was trying not to cry too much and bracing myself till the moment I could run from that place. I asked her if I could see a dietician at some point, because I am having trouble knowing how many carbs are in popular foods here, because I don't even know what is in most dishes I am eating. I thought this might be something helpful and that way I could take something away from this appointment. She told me that she would be placing me on a diet because I am "dangerously large". This diet would be explained to me by the dietician.

So finally I see the dietician who tells me that I am now to be on a 1,000 calorie a day diet that includes no sugars, fats, oils, and salt at all. Basically that is starvation and definitely not enough to fuel myself thinking, let alone exercising. She also told me I should be running an hour a day, and I almost laughed in her face. An hour a day of running while only eating 1,000 calories. That's a practical joke, right? I exited the appointment with a fistful of sheets that had nothing to do with diabetes. They are about weight control, energy expenditure with different sorts of exercise and the calories and fat in many dishes here. I was so excited to see a sheet with popular meals, and didn't even look at the specifics of the numbers. I told her it was exciting to finally have a better idea of what was in some things, and then she told me that this was not carbohydrates, but calories and fat. I was told to "figure out" the carbs. Great, I will keep guessing.

I left the appointment feeling like a complete idiot. I then went to pay, and realized that I would be paying about 1/7 of my monthly salary to be called fat and made to feel really stupid....just awesome!

I wish it didn't bug me when Thai people call me fat, but it does. It happens all too often here, and I am sick of it. This is something I will certainly not miss when I leave this place. I understand I am not the smallest person and wish I could be smaller, but having your self-esteem crushed and beaten down all the time is not going to magically make me smaller. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to beating on myself, and I definitely don't need the help of others.

This being said, please pray that one day I will be able to find a diabetic doctor who is willing to help me and not harm me.....this is all just really discouraging and makes me want to go home.