Day by Day!

I often wish that I could know what God's plans for me were. I yearn to know why everything seems so unpredictable and confusing. The more I think about it though, the less I think this is actually what I want. I like things to be surprising and unpredictable, but only yearn for life to be predictable when things seem to not work out in my favour. I think I would be bored if I knew exactly what life was going to look like, and it would take away a lot of the adventure. And what fun is a life without adventure?

I only desire for things to be predictable because I desire an outcome that aligns with what i perceive the outcome should be. If the outcome is going to be any different, I just want some buffer time to be able to deal with the fact that I am not right and God's plans are so much better. The problem with my thinking is that I am not fully trusting in God's plans for me, and I am still trying to control the way things work out. I am aware that God's plans are better than my own, but I still want sufficient warning to be able to deal with the shock of what is to come. I am not trusting that God will provide the means for me to carry out His plans in His timing. Although I am aware that they are His plans and not my own, I often do not trust that I have the capabilities to carry out these plans. Now this isn't something that I would tell someone, but it is subtly the message that is sent when I am shocked by God's plans and wish I knew them ahead of time.

I am once again in a place where I am unsure of where I will be in a short period of time. This has happened before, and I remember learning to trust in God's timing, because it is much better than my own. This time around, however, I feel like God is teaching me to constantly rely on Him and not worry about tomorrow, but instead to know that if he has placed me here today, he has given me the tools to handle whatever I will face today. I often don't feel this way. I feel terrified and like a little girl. I feel a little bit like David when he was going to face Goliath: small and inadequate. But I need to have the courage that David had, and know that with God on my side I am able to face whatever is brought against me in the day.

I was recently reminded by a good friend of the story in Exodus where Moses is told by God that He will provide manna for the Israelites, but he will only provide enough for them each day. They need to pay attention to the instructions and trust that God will provide for them each day. Those who did not trust and wished to store up the manna came back to found it covered in maggots. I feel like this is what God is teaching me right now. I need not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself (Matthew 6:34). Each day God is providing me with the essential tools (manna) to make it through that day. I am not able to store them up and prepare ahead of time. Instead it is mandatory that I come before God each day for the strength that is required to make it through that day. I am never sure what each day here will hold, and I am not sure where I will be weeks from now, but I do not need to worry about that.

If God provides somewhere else for me to be, I will go knowing that He has opened up doors for me to be there. In the meantime I will rely on him each day and know that I need His strength for each new day. I do not have the tools or capabilities to do anything on my own, but I serve a God who has placed me here for a reason, and I need to trust that He has also provided me with the tools to do what He is asking of me. He will not ask us to do anything for the day that He will not walk through us with and provide us with the strength to get through. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it says "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it". I pray that I am able to remember this as I feel that I am not able to get through days here. Please pray also that I can be reminded of God's source of strength in all moments, even ones where I feel completely unsupported and inadequate.

I am tired and frustrated after this week, and I would ask that you could pray for me as I start this week. We ended the week with overnight camp, so this whole weekend has been spent with students and then lesson planning, so I have not had much of a break. The end of last week ended with me being yelled at by a parent who is requiring something from me that I am not able to provide, and the school administration is not available and supporting me. I know that God can do far more than the administration here (thankfully!!), so I pray that He reveals his plan for this situation to me. Even though I am frustrated, I am so thankful that I am able to come to God for my tools for the day each morning and throughout he day. His mercies are new every morning, and these days I am reminded of that and so thankful for that!

Here are some of the pictures I was able to capture of the adorable students from our overnight camp this weekend. These are a few precious reminders of why I am here and what God has given me to work with:

 The overnight camp theme was the Olympics and I was with team orange! We were the Phillipines!

 The student on the left is in my class. Her name is Plai and she is so animated...I love her! 

Paper airplane throwing contest!

So much excitement! 

 Me: Ma Fuang, who much fun are you having?

Ma Fuang: This much fun! 

(Disclaimer: Ma Fuang is the cutest girl at the school and my dear friend Ms.Lolen gets to teach her!)

These are two of my students at the campfire. Peace is in the background and Niki is in the foreground. Niki is one of my most challenging students because she does not talk, but she is so dear to my heart and I love her so much! 

Having fun making torches!