HIRING: Snake Guard

JOB POSTING
October 2, 2012
Company: Chrissy Hates Snakes
Position: Snake Guard
Responsibilities: This position is similar to that of a body guard, but has the extra added privilege of protecting Chrissy from snakes.
Qualifications:
Must have the ability to protect Chrissy from snakes and kill snakes on a moments notice.
Must walk Chrissy everywhere all the time so that she is protected from snakes and distracted from the fact that they even live in her vicinity.
Provide entertainment to distract Chrissy from the daunting reality that there are snakes everywhere.
Fear of snakes prohibited.

Start Date: Immediately/Yesterday

Please send in your applications ASAP! No time like the present for such a highly sought after position ;)

Ok, so this is a bit of a joke (only slightly), but it comes from my very traumatic experience today. I saw a snake, and it was the first one I have seen outside of a bucket in Thailand (minus dead ones on the road). For anyone who knows me, you can just imagine what sort of reaction this must have created. I must say that I was surprised at my reaction though. I managed to not burst into tears immediately and contained myself for at least 3 minutes. My heart did race to the normal 250 bpm and it felt like someone jump started my heart while I was still conscious, but I managed to only let out a small scream (more like a yelp) and proceed to run away from the scene. I am pretty sure I didn't cry because I was just in too much shock. The snake was in such an unsuspecting spot (to me, at least), that it shocked me completely. Not that snakes usually make their presence known and warn you they are coming, but this was just unusually shocking.

I think this is one of the most terrifying aspects of snakes to me. You can be walking along and then all of the sudden, out of nowhere and with no warning there is a snake all up in your personal bubble. I don't like it when people are in my personal bubble, let alone creepy, creepy animals. When I try to analyze my phobia and break it down, the surprising aspect of these creatures is on the top of my list of reasons I hate them. I have been asked a million and two times why I'm scared of them so much and I never have a good answer. It makes you think about it, but I still don't really have an answer. I know it is a completely irrational fear (well, at least when it comes to harmless garter snakes), but telling myself that has yet to be successful in ridding me of my fear.  

I am no snake expert and I don't know where these things usually hide out, but I didn't think in a bulletin board case would be the #1 snake hiding spot. Wrong. Right there in a glass enclosure was this awful thing. I think it was God's way of scaffolding my snake exposure. That is about the closest thing you can get to the zoo in a natural habitat.....a snake that just happens to be hiding behind a glass enclosure (how the heck did it get there?!). I thought God knew that I don't even come near the snake buildings at the zoo though. Not exactly scaffolding when I avoid (like the plague) any area of the zoo that may contain a snake. Or any area in the world actually. It still amazes me that God sent me to Thailand when I (no joke) would previously look at places, check how many snakes were in that place, and then decide if I would ever go there.

All this to say, I survived my first legitimate snake spotting in Thailand, but am now terrified to go outside.