Honest Hearts

**I don't know about you, but I often write blog posts and then never post them. I am looking back now and am going to share some of the blog posts that I have written since being here. This was one from a couple months back with my students:


I sit here with a heart that hurts, yet is excited. My emotions are battling, and in an exhausting tug-of-war. This morning I had an eye opening devotions period with my students. I decided a couple weeks ago that I don't want to waste time trying to figure out what my students think, and sometimes I just need to have the boldness to discuss tough issues with them. I often get scared and want to be too politically correct and find myself not telling them that they are wrong. For instance, when it comes to being Buddhist and Christian at the same time. I knew what my students thought, or at least some of them. They believe that you can be both Buddhist and Christian at the same time. I don't feel like I am proselytizing them when I tell them that this is unfortunately not possible, and there needs to be a choice made between one or the other.

I have discovered that my students will do a lot of things just to please Miss. Chrissy! I mean, this is great, but sometimes it's actually really annoying. I don't want you to do things because that's the way I do them. I want you to be honest with me, and honest with yourself. I want this from all people I interact with in life, and I especially want this from my students. I am not here to force beliefs on my students and have them "believe" something simply because I do. I am here to show them what I believe and why I believe it, and hope that this serves as an example for them. I want them to ask questions and not accept every thing I tell them. I demand that from them. A class that sits in silence and agrees with me is boring. Often I have to challenge my students and tell them that I know they don't agree with me, and ask them to be brave enough to say so. I think my students finally understand that I am going to love them regardless of what they believe and they are more comfortable with being honest with me (this is a teachers dream!). Sometimes when I ask them questions though, they still give me the "teachers pet" response. I have learned that to get their honest response, I need to ask them to write. Paper is a place where no one is going to judge them. No classmates are going to read their response, and no one is going to question what they write. Each response is accepted equally and I am the only one that reads their writing.

So today I asked them a question that I have been wanting to know the answer to: Do you believe that you can be a Christian and a Buddhist at the same time? Explain why or why not. The clock ticked on as I awaited the students responses. I said nothing, and the pencils went to paper. The class was absolutely silent for 20 minutes and then the responses started trickling in. Some were what I had expected, and others shocked me.

I found that Buddhism here is not a religion, but a way of life. A lot of their responses hinted at the fact that they are Buddhist for any number or combination of these reasons:
1. They live in Thailand.
2. They were "born Buddhist"
3. Their parents are Buddhist, therefore they are Buddhist

One student said this "I am Thailand people I love to be a Buddhist", and another clearly depicted what many students thought. His response read: "Yes (I can be both a Christian and Buddhist), because I want to be a Christian and a Buddhist. My mom and dad are Buddhist. I want to be a Christian because I believe that there is a God that made me smart and I am Buddhist because I was born in Thailand and most people are Buddhist". The God that he speaks of is living and real and working in his life, but Buddhism is something that was inherited. Reading things like this makes me want to cry, but at the same time it makes me know that God is working in their little hearts to even know that they believe that there is a God and can feel him moving.

Another response said this "We can believe in God 50% or Buddha 50%, but I believe in God 100% and Buddha 100%, and I think Miss. Chrissy believes in God 1000%, and students in class believe in Buddha. I can't do anything without God or Buddha". Not sure what percent system we are working with, but something just doesn't equate here. Haha. But in all seriousness, these are the sort of things we can be praying for in my classroom. These students are feeling the tension between Buddhism and Christianity, and I think this is proof of God moving in them. If there was no tension, there would be little presence of God in their life to them, but this tension speaks to me and tells me that God is moving in their lives and proving to them that He is real.

The last one I will share with you was written by a little girl who at the beginning of the year told me that she did not believe in God. She told me that God promised no more floods, and Thailand is under water, so there is no God and that is that. This is what she wrote as her response:

"I think I can't be a Christian and a Buddhist at the same time because I can worship only one God. I am having a problem. I don't know who is real. Buddhist God said to believe in him and Christian God said to believe in Him too. I don't know a God to worship."

I read this and cried. Utter confusion, but movement. This is not the same girl who at the beginning of the year would deny any sign of a God. She was so adamant about there not being a God and all of the sudden she is confused enough to "have a problem". I know this does not sound like something to be excited about, but this is proof to me that God is somehow moving in her life and changing her heart.