Sneak Emotions

Here are some of the signs of suppressed homesickness. It presents itself a lot around holiday times and events where you know your family will be gathered without you. 

I went to Starbucks today to be in an atmosphere where Christmas music was playing and Christmas drinks are being served. In Thailand, with it being a very Buddhist place, Christmas is not big on peoples list of things to celebrate. It is so strange being in a place that is not inundated with Christmas the minute Halloween ends. But they also don't celebrate Halloween here, so basically there are no benchmarks for this time of the year. Often I feel like I am in perpetual summer time, but all the while working, so it doesn't feel a lot like summer. I usually don't love the mass media and hullabaloo with Christmas decorations and Christmas everything, as I find that it is such a distraction from the real reason for the holidays. Being here, however, I miss those things. I miss the Christmas spirit and feeling in the air around Christmastime. So that is why I find myself fleeing to one of the only places that is playing Christmas music (other than my own computer!) at this time of the year. 

I sat down in Starbucks and was content with the music and the atmosphere (they air condition it heavily, so it makes me feel like it is actually cold outside), until all of the sudden the song "I'll be home for Christmas" starts playing. It took all of 0.325 seconds for me to be overwhelmed with emotion that I never thought would happen. I was reading a book and instantly knew that I needed to leave Starbucks quickly before embarrassment ensued. I was tearing up with no good explanation and needed to leave as soon as possible. Classic case of suppressed homesickness. Sneak emotions are just not cool....you think you are okay, and then BAM. The thought of not being home at Christmastime with my family scares me, and if I think about it too much I am bound to start crying. I have planned a holiday over Christmas break to serve as a distraction from not being with my family, but there is something so magical about being at home with people who love you on the holidays. I will definitely miss that a lot this year, but hopefully I will be in a place where I can fully focus on the reason for the holiday and rest in knowing that this is God's plan for this Christmas season for me.