Today has been a really discouraging day for me. I received the largest insult as a teacher and it leaves me feeling so attacked. One of my students complained to administration today about me, because I was rough on his monthly evaluations. He is a child who has great grades, but cannot handle not being perfect at everything. The minute he didn't receive top scores on every section of the monthly evaluation (5 is the top) he started crying in my class and proceeded to write and say that I was fat and ugly. I know he has not liked me for a while, but he complained to the administration today and told them that I was boring and he does not like coming to school and being in my class. Of course, he has never said any of this to me ever, so it was all news to me.
The administrations response was what made it worse. She simply told me that she told the student that the other teachers personality is fun, loud, and her personality basically makes her interesting, but I am quiet and reserved, so I would not be as fun and interesting because our personalities are different. This was supposed to make me feel better? It didn't. To top it all off, this administrator has never even seen me teach so she has no idea what I am like when I teach. I try and have the most fun I can have while teaching, and it is the biggest insult to be called boring.
It has been a really rough day and my eyes are being opened to things I don't want to see here. Please pray that there would be someone here to provide sound guidance to the administration and lead this place with Christian values. I feel like Christianity is cultural here and boxed in with the norms of the culture. I think that happens in many places, but I am having a lot of trouble with some of the things that happen here under a "Christian school" name. Christianity cannot be contained within the cultural box we live in. We are supposed to stand up against some things, even though it is hard. I pray that in some instances there would be strength and courage to stand against norms here that don't align with Christian values. I don't want to work for a Christian school where money is the motivating factor, but that seems to be the case here. Bribery is present everywhere, and the child's education seems to be on the back burner in many cases. I am so torn right now. Please pray for me as I am feeling so under attack, and please pray for this school. It is in desperate need of guidance.
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Monday, 27 August 2012
Parent/Teacher Conferences-Cross Cultural Style!
I just successfully finished my very first parent/teacher conferences and it feels so strange. I think it being the first parent/teacher conferences where I am the teacher would have felt surreal and strange in any circumstance, but when you bring in the cross-cultural aspect of these parent teacher conferences it probably was at a whole other level of strange.
I am learning how to speak while having a translator. That itself is a skill, and one I did not have or even knew I needed to have before coming here. I never know when to stop and let the translator cut in. Sometimes I feel like I am saying too much and the poor person translating for me is going to have trouble remembering what I have said. This is one problem, and the other is when you say only a few words, pause for translation, and the person translating looks at you as if to say "why have you stopped talking?"You then have this awkward amount of time where nothing is being said and everyone smiles and laughs and pretends a joke was told. Speaking of jokes while translating, this has to be the funniest part of any thai/english conversation! I intently listen to the Thai conversation while the parents are speaking for a couple reasons. Mainly, their body language says so much and I can sometimes gather what they are saying from this. Second, I am hoping that God will miraculously give me the skill of being able to understand what they are saying and be able to speak fluently in Thai! As you intently listen, however, you feel like you should know what is being said. So naturally, when someone laughs, you laugh along with them, right? Right. Well, this is slightly awkward because they wonder why you are laughing because they know you do not speak any Thai and do not know what their joke was. Also, I find that I never actually figure out the joke, because it is never told to me. I think maybe it doesn't directly translate or something, and then you are left laughing at things and having no idea why you laughed, and having the other person know that you have no idea why you are laughing. At least when I do that in an English conversation (pretend I know what is happening and respond to social cues around me) no one can usually figure out that you don't know what the joke was.
Second best is when you tell a joke and wait three minutes and then all of the sudden they are laughing. This means that the joke has been translated, but usually by this point you have forgotten what was said all together and then the other person looks slightly crazy. I am getting better at this art of being translated for, but it is a work in progress. I truly do think it is an art to be able to have a conversation without ruining the flow by not speaking enough or speaking too much before the translator comes in.
This is when you have a translator though. When there is no translator, this makes things even more interesting. I had several conferences that started and got nowhere because I can only act out so many things. I have never been so happy to see a translator enter the room in those moments of miming desperation!
Today I had a parent who came to me and tried to have a conversation to tell me that he does not speak English well. I find these conversations funny, because by the time the 10 minutes are over and they have successfully said "I can't speak English very well" (and by that I clearly meant "I can't speak English good"), I am quite aware of this reality. In fact, it takes all of maybe 30 seconds to know that they are struggling with English, but I do my best to be accommodating because I speak nit noy Thai and would not be able to speak in their language. He explained to me that he can't really speak English and when I looked at the sheet I see that he had not requested a translator. This is my favourite. I know he is not Thai and his first language is Korean. How difficult would that be for him....yikes. I speak English....he doesn't. The translators speak Thai....that's not his main language. He told me he speaks Thai better than English though, so I told him a translator might be our best option, but he said his Thai was not good. It was good enough for this meeting though, and he was much better at speaking Thai than English. My other option would have been interpretive dancing to show him how his daughter is doing so far. That's universal, right? Let's just say all parties should be happy he learned enough Thai to be able to understand the translation ;)
The weirdest part of parent/teacher conferences is seeing how much parents respect your opinion and value what you say. I am so young, and all the parents I am speaking with are much older than me. I am telling them things about their child's learning, and they are asking questions and anxiously awaiting my reply. Reality check. I am 23 years old and parents want to know my opinion and what I think about their child's education and behaviour? That is crazy to me. I had some frustrated parents who just wanted answers with what to do with their child. They were asking questions to me that a doctor or psychologist should answer, and were hanging out to every little thing that came out of my mouth. Inside I was reminding myself that I was 23, but the minute I pulled my professional pants on in the morning I must have aged 20 years or so. "To be completely honest, I am trying my hardest and don't know what the solution to your child is", is what I was thinking to myself. In one way it is a nice feeling to be entrusted with so much and have your opinion valued, but in another sense I feel like I am completely unqualified to be able to share my opinion and thoughts with someone and have it hold so much meaning to them. Thankfully I serve a God who laughs at me as I step into this adventure of teaching and provides me with guidance in what to say. Multiple times throughout these conferences I felt like I was given things to say that came out of nowhere. My only explanation is that God knew what needed to be said and was there to help me deliver it.
I have finished my first parent/teacher conferences and parts of them were eventful. I have learned that with God's help I can be well spoken and communicate with parents, even when it is not the best news I am delivering. I have also successfully communicated with a language barrier, whether it be through acting, translated conversation, or rapid pointing at different words and numbers with massive amounts of expression on my face!
Sunday, 26 August 2012
A Little Taste of Thailand!
We always want what we don't have. We always want something that is different than our current circumstance. That is me right now. And I'm not talking about my entire experience here, but one aspect of that experience: the food. When I am at home I enjoy eating food from different places, and will often desire food that is not "North American". Note: I am not entirely sure what North American food is, other than it is probably anything gross for you that clogs arteries, etc, etc. I love Thai food, but going from eating the Americanized version of something to the real deal can be a little shock to the system. For those of you who have not experienced this out-of-country phenomenon, this is when a familiar dish holds very little familiarity because most of the ingredients are changed to the local vegetables, and there are many different additions and subtractions. Also, I am sure most food that is here is not even found in "Thai restaurants" in Canada.
I tend to like to be able to identify the food I am eating. I have always been a little bit OCD about this, and I always have to have the lights on bright when I eat. If the family ever had dinner and a movie nights, I would make sure that the lights were on so I could see my food. I just need to know what I am eating and be able to know. I also have to smell my food before I eat it and any cup/container that I am going to eat out of/drink out of before I put anything into it. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have always been this way. I think I have lost this OCD habit of mine, because there is no use here. I can eat in the most well lit room and I still don't know what I am eating. I will ask if there is any seafood in something and then break out in hives to find out that there was something fishy with my food (literally...ha). A lot of the food here is an adventure, but there are a lot of very delicious adventures. There are also many a food adventure that I wish I never took. When it comes to hiking and outdoor adventures, there are some that have been hilarious and had mishaps, but I can't say I can look back and want to reverse my decision to go on any of them. This is a different sort of adventure than a food adventure. There are many food adventures that I would retrospectively reverse in a second.
I find myself wanting North American food often. The problem here is that most American sorts of food that they offered are just food that is bad for you. You can find hamburgers and McDonalds, which are familiar, but not something I want to eat. The familiar places include fast food chains like KFC, McDonalds and Dairy Queen. I never have cravings for this type of food from home. I crave the weirdest things here and if I were to make a list of the foods I miss most it would include the following:
1. Quinoa. I dreamt about a package coming with a bag of quinoa in it and it made my week. Then I woke up. Worst.
2. Yams. The closest things to yam here is Japanese pumpkin, so I have taken a liking to this stuff. I currently have 4 Japanese pumpkins sitting on the table waiting for me to consume them. I just love yams and they are probably one of my favourite foods.
3. Avocado. I love avocado so much and they have it here, but it is not the same as home. It doesn't really even taste like the same thing.
4. Licorice Tea.....this country doesn't know what its missing by not stocking its shelves with licorice tea!
5. Twelve grain bread-this might be the first food I eat when I come home. They have bread here, but it is mostly white or a very bleached version of whole wheat bread.
6. Cheese. They have cheese here, but it costs an arm and a leg for about a fingernails worth.
7. Peppers. Peppers are super expensive also, and just so delicious. I eat them like apples at home, but that cannot be done here when they are $2 a piece.
8. Cereal. I just love cereal, but there are multiple problems with cereal here. First, they don't carry a lot of cereal. Second, the cereal they do have is all sugary cereal, which I don't eat anyways. Third, it costs so much (maybe $10) for a box of cereal. The glimmer of hope in this situation is that for some weird reason Corn Flakes are cheap here. You can get them for $2 a box, and I do love corn flakes! I am pretty certain this is because everything in this country is made with a combination of corn and fish, so they obviously would carry corn flakes! Either way, I'm stoked they have corn flakes.
I am going to stop my list there, because I realized it is getting long and I sound like I am complaining. In reality I never thought I would miss these foods, but I do! Rice and noodles get old quickly, and things like pork balls take some getting used to! I think the funniest thing I have encountered at school lunch so far has been chunks of congealed blood in some of the dishes. Most school lunches are unidentifiable anyways, so congealed blood can be masked in the contents. It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.
All in all, Thai food is not bad. I eat most of my food off the street, and there are some good things. When I travel I get to taste some of the most delicious Thai food and it makes me really enjoy Thai dishes. I know that as I write this I want those things that I listed on my list, but I can also predict that when I get home I will be craving things that I have here. As I said, we never want what we have, and we always want what we don't have. I just have to remember that one day when I am back home I will be craving Som Tom and will not be able to have it there, so I better enjoy it while I can!
I tend to like to be able to identify the food I am eating. I have always been a little bit OCD about this, and I always have to have the lights on bright when I eat. If the family ever had dinner and a movie nights, I would make sure that the lights were on so I could see my food. I just need to know what I am eating and be able to know. I also have to smell my food before I eat it and any cup/container that I am going to eat out of/drink out of before I put anything into it. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have always been this way. I think I have lost this OCD habit of mine, because there is no use here. I can eat in the most well lit room and I still don't know what I am eating. I will ask if there is any seafood in something and then break out in hives to find out that there was something fishy with my food (literally...ha). A lot of the food here is an adventure, but there are a lot of very delicious adventures. There are also many a food adventure that I wish I never took. When it comes to hiking and outdoor adventures, there are some that have been hilarious and had mishaps, but I can't say I can look back and want to reverse my decision to go on any of them. This is a different sort of adventure than a food adventure. There are many food adventures that I would retrospectively reverse in a second.
I find myself wanting North American food often. The problem here is that most American sorts of food that they offered are just food that is bad for you. You can find hamburgers and McDonalds, which are familiar, but not something I want to eat. The familiar places include fast food chains like KFC, McDonalds and Dairy Queen. I never have cravings for this type of food from home. I crave the weirdest things here and if I were to make a list of the foods I miss most it would include the following:
1. Quinoa. I dreamt about a package coming with a bag of quinoa in it and it made my week. Then I woke up. Worst.
2. Yams. The closest things to yam here is Japanese pumpkin, so I have taken a liking to this stuff. I currently have 4 Japanese pumpkins sitting on the table waiting for me to consume them. I just love yams and they are probably one of my favourite foods.
3. Avocado. I love avocado so much and they have it here, but it is not the same as home. It doesn't really even taste like the same thing.
4. Licorice Tea.....this country doesn't know what its missing by not stocking its shelves with licorice tea!
5. Twelve grain bread-this might be the first food I eat when I come home. They have bread here, but it is mostly white or a very bleached version of whole wheat bread.
6. Cheese. They have cheese here, but it costs an arm and a leg for about a fingernails worth.
7. Peppers. Peppers are super expensive also, and just so delicious. I eat them like apples at home, but that cannot be done here when they are $2 a piece.
8. Cereal. I just love cereal, but there are multiple problems with cereal here. First, they don't carry a lot of cereal. Second, the cereal they do have is all sugary cereal, which I don't eat anyways. Third, it costs so much (maybe $10) for a box of cereal. The glimmer of hope in this situation is that for some weird reason Corn Flakes are cheap here. You can get them for $2 a box, and I do love corn flakes! I am pretty certain this is because everything in this country is made with a combination of corn and fish, so they obviously would carry corn flakes! Either way, I'm stoked they have corn flakes.
I am going to stop my list there, because I realized it is getting long and I sound like I am complaining. In reality I never thought I would miss these foods, but I do! Rice and noodles get old quickly, and things like pork balls take some getting used to! I think the funniest thing I have encountered at school lunch so far has been chunks of congealed blood in some of the dishes. Most school lunches are unidentifiable anyways, so congealed blood can be masked in the contents. It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.
All in all, Thai food is not bad. I eat most of my food off the street, and there are some good things. When I travel I get to taste some of the most delicious Thai food and it makes me really enjoy Thai dishes. I know that as I write this I want those things that I listed on my list, but I can also predict that when I get home I will be craving things that I have here. As I said, we never want what we have, and we always want what we don't have. I just have to remember that one day when I am back home I will be craving Som Tom and will not be able to have it there, so I better enjoy it while I can!
Friday, 24 August 2012
Month Overview!
Sometimes it is hard to think of what to write about and tell people about, not because nothing has happened, but simply the opposite: far too much has happened. I feel like life here recently has had so many things going on that I simply get overwhelmed when I sit down to blog. This last month I have travelled several times and have spent the rest of the month sick.
I started the month going to Chiang Mai with a friend, and it was absolutely fantastic!! I got my fix of mountains (Thailand style) and it was jammed packed trip full of really awesome things. We got to go on a trek and we climbed the second highest mountain in Thailand (didn't know this till we got back) and slept in a mountain village that was absolutely beautiful! Treks are so awesome because you get to do a lot of great things, all the while meeting sweet people from all over the world. Our trek included people from Spain, Holland, England, US, Canada, and Thailand, and there were a wide array of languages being spoken at any one time. After the trek we got to venture up a mountain to a temple that is famous in Chiang Mai called Doi Suthep. We went to night markets, saw a sweet zoo and aquarium and even stood and watched a truck being pulled out of the river!!! All in all, Chiang Mai is one of the most beautiful places and it was a breath of fresh air to be a little more out of the city than here in Nonthaburi!
The following weekend I went on my first adventure by myself. I went to Phuket and stayed at a gorgeous beach! I went rock climbing to an island called Koh Panyee, which was just breathtaking. We got to take a boat there (obviously, it's an island!), and it bypassed some of the most gorgeous scenery imaginable. There are all these islands that are crazy limestone rock formations, and we were just weaving through them. It was all a little surreal. I was sitting in a boat on a trip by myself in the South of Thailand seeing the most beautiful things. How did this happen and how did I end up here? The day was great and I met two Australian friends who were awesome. We just happened to have the same flight time home the next day, so we were able to share a taxi to the airport! That was so awesome and totally a God moment, because the taxi was one of the only expensive things in Thailand (1000B) and my flight left at 9pm, so it seemed so rare that they would be leaving that late too!
Following rock climbing I got to hang out at the beach and chill. I pictured myself lying on the beach relaxing, but realized I think I am incapable of doing that! I could do anything in the world I wanted to, and I could only lie there for a max of 20 minutes. I wanted to walk and adventure and swim. I think I am slightly ADD in that sense. I decided to go on an adventure to see the sunset at a viewpoint down the coast. It apparently was something I needed to photograph, so I headed out on this adventure. I will not go into any further details because my mother may faint reading about this experience, but it was possibly one of the sketchiest moments I have encountered in Thailand. Moral of the story: I have a God who loves me and protects me! I have come to realize that you can encounter unsafe moments at any place and time in Thailand, and unfortunately they are unavoidable in some cases. This could be terrifying, but instead I know that God has his hand of protection over me, and everything is in His plan.
I came home from this trip and was sick on the airplane home. That is the first time I have ever been sick on an airplane and it wasn't the best experience of my life. I think I was on the only airline without puke bags. Lesson: in Thailand always bring your own a) toilet paper and b) puke bags! I got to the taxi finally after hours of delays with my flight and was so happy to be headed home. Unfortunately I got a very sketchy taxi driver who had rigged his meter in his taxi. I didn't notice at first because I was texting my boss to tell her that I would not be coming to school in the morning because I was sick. I looked up to see the meter read 380 baht and it had only been about 10 minutes. The whole trip is supposed to cost 300-350, and I still had 30 minutes to go. I asked what was wrong with the meter, and he pretended to not know English anymore. Before this, he was the only taxi driver I had met who could speak English, and speak it very well. All of the sudden I was in a really bad situation. I had already paid the highway fares and we were on the highway, but I actually did not have the amount of money that was on the meter with me. I told him this and told him that I couldn't pay him. Immediately he got REALLY angry and started yelling at me. My heart was in my throat and I'm certain he could hear my heart beat. I had about 392 baht all together and had paid 80 already for the highway fares, but his meter was going up rapidly. I wasn't sure what to do, because I felt like i might die, so I called my boss. It was probably close to 1 in the morning at this point, so it's not exactly the time you want to be calling people. Eventually I made it out of the taxi and I was not killed, but I may have lost a few years off my life through rapid heart beating stress. I never want to take a taxi alone again ever, but realized this is not a realistic thing. I just have to trust that just as God protected me in this situation, He will continue to protect me. Living in a place that is substantially less safe than Canada, I am really feeling God's hand of protection in a lot of situations!
I got home from this trip and since then have been teaching, living life, and continuing to be sick. I have caught something that is just not going away, and going to the doctor here is not on the top of my list of things to do. Everything here is either traced back to the fact that you are fat, or they will just over diagnose you and give you a million things to take and basically tell you that you have cancer every time you see the doctor. I also get the feeling that you are being ripped off as a farang, because it is not cheap to see the doctor and there are always so many additional charges that I feel I didn't even need. The communication thing is still an issue and is frustrating when dealing with medical things. I have been feeling like passing out all week and it is not blood sugar related. I have absolutely no energy and have been lightheaded and dizzy for almost a week now. Please pray that this will stop and I will be feeling back to normal.
This is a look into the things that have been happening here recently. Oh, and I started parent/teacher conferences yesterday, but that is a full story in itself! Cross-cultural parent/teacher conferences have so many funny aspects! I will write about that soon, and keep you updated!
I started the month going to Chiang Mai with a friend, and it was absolutely fantastic!! I got my fix of mountains (Thailand style) and it was jammed packed trip full of really awesome things. We got to go on a trek and we climbed the second highest mountain in Thailand (didn't know this till we got back) and slept in a mountain village that was absolutely beautiful! Treks are so awesome because you get to do a lot of great things, all the while meeting sweet people from all over the world. Our trek included people from Spain, Holland, England, US, Canada, and Thailand, and there were a wide array of languages being spoken at any one time. After the trek we got to venture up a mountain to a temple that is famous in Chiang Mai called Doi Suthep. We went to night markets, saw a sweet zoo and aquarium and even stood and watched a truck being pulled out of the river!!! All in all, Chiang Mai is one of the most beautiful places and it was a breath of fresh air to be a little more out of the city than here in Nonthaburi!
The following weekend I went on my first adventure by myself. I went to Phuket and stayed at a gorgeous beach! I went rock climbing to an island called Koh Panyee, which was just breathtaking. We got to take a boat there (obviously, it's an island!), and it bypassed some of the most gorgeous scenery imaginable. There are all these islands that are crazy limestone rock formations, and we were just weaving through them. It was all a little surreal. I was sitting in a boat on a trip by myself in the South of Thailand seeing the most beautiful things. How did this happen and how did I end up here? The day was great and I met two Australian friends who were awesome. We just happened to have the same flight time home the next day, so we were able to share a taxi to the airport! That was so awesome and totally a God moment, because the taxi was one of the only expensive things in Thailand (1000B) and my flight left at 9pm, so it seemed so rare that they would be leaving that late too!
Following rock climbing I got to hang out at the beach and chill. I pictured myself lying on the beach relaxing, but realized I think I am incapable of doing that! I could do anything in the world I wanted to, and I could only lie there for a max of 20 minutes. I wanted to walk and adventure and swim. I think I am slightly ADD in that sense. I decided to go on an adventure to see the sunset at a viewpoint down the coast. It apparently was something I needed to photograph, so I headed out on this adventure. I will not go into any further details because my mother may faint reading about this experience, but it was possibly one of the sketchiest moments I have encountered in Thailand. Moral of the story: I have a God who loves me and protects me! I have come to realize that you can encounter unsafe moments at any place and time in Thailand, and unfortunately they are unavoidable in some cases. This could be terrifying, but instead I know that God has his hand of protection over me, and everything is in His plan.
I came home from this trip and was sick on the airplane home. That is the first time I have ever been sick on an airplane and it wasn't the best experience of my life. I think I was on the only airline without puke bags. Lesson: in Thailand always bring your own a) toilet paper and b) puke bags! I got to the taxi finally after hours of delays with my flight and was so happy to be headed home. Unfortunately I got a very sketchy taxi driver who had rigged his meter in his taxi. I didn't notice at first because I was texting my boss to tell her that I would not be coming to school in the morning because I was sick. I looked up to see the meter read 380 baht and it had only been about 10 minutes. The whole trip is supposed to cost 300-350, and I still had 30 minutes to go. I asked what was wrong with the meter, and he pretended to not know English anymore. Before this, he was the only taxi driver I had met who could speak English, and speak it very well. All of the sudden I was in a really bad situation. I had already paid the highway fares and we were on the highway, but I actually did not have the amount of money that was on the meter with me. I told him this and told him that I couldn't pay him. Immediately he got REALLY angry and started yelling at me. My heart was in my throat and I'm certain he could hear my heart beat. I had about 392 baht all together and had paid 80 already for the highway fares, but his meter was going up rapidly. I wasn't sure what to do, because I felt like i might die, so I called my boss. It was probably close to 1 in the morning at this point, so it's not exactly the time you want to be calling people. Eventually I made it out of the taxi and I was not killed, but I may have lost a few years off my life through rapid heart beating stress. I never want to take a taxi alone again ever, but realized this is not a realistic thing. I just have to trust that just as God protected me in this situation, He will continue to protect me. Living in a place that is substantially less safe than Canada, I am really feeling God's hand of protection in a lot of situations!
I got home from this trip and since then have been teaching, living life, and continuing to be sick. I have caught something that is just not going away, and going to the doctor here is not on the top of my list of things to do. Everything here is either traced back to the fact that you are fat, or they will just over diagnose you and give you a million things to take and basically tell you that you have cancer every time you see the doctor. I also get the feeling that you are being ripped off as a farang, because it is not cheap to see the doctor and there are always so many additional charges that I feel I didn't even need. The communication thing is still an issue and is frustrating when dealing with medical things. I have been feeling like passing out all week and it is not blood sugar related. I have absolutely no energy and have been lightheaded and dizzy for almost a week now. Please pray that this will stop and I will be feeling back to normal.
This is a look into the things that have been happening here recently. Oh, and I started parent/teacher conferences yesterday, but that is a full story in itself! Cross-cultural parent/teacher conferences have so many funny aspects! I will write about that soon, and keep you updated!
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Discouraging Doctor
I seem to have some awful luck with doctors, and today was no exception to this. I had booked an appointment a month and a bit ago to see a diabetic doctor at one of the really well know international hospitals here. I was excited to finally have a doctor that spoke English, even if it did cost a little more. I even looked at the profile of all the doctors online and specifically chose this woman, because on her credentials listing it said that she had experience or a speciality in diabetic problems. I think their website may need some updating or something.
I arrived to the appointment, and entered the room and the doctor says "whats your problem?". I was a little caught off guard because I wasn't expecting to have her start in right away, and I didn't even know her name and we had never met. I realized though, that I am on a long roster of people that see the doctor, so she doesn't have time for me. She needs to get through things quickly, so she doesn't have time for menial details like my name, or the fact that I am diabetic. I told her I was having trouble with overnight lows with no pattern, and she looked at me and said "overnight? what does overnight mean?". DHLBJKSHCKJBJNCJK AHhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I am so sick of people not speaking English and having NO IDEA what I'm saying to them. Don't boast you are an English doctor when you don't know simple words. I then proceeded to act out sleeping and hoped I could get that across. She then got really confused, and said "are you diabetic?" Yes, genius. You are a diabetic specialist and all over my chart it says I am diabetic. What part of this is not clear. Do I need to speak in Thai? I can't, so it's probably best that I just leave.
The appointment only proceeded to get better. She looked at me and told me my "obesity is a problem". There had been no blood tests done at this point or any lab work, and she decided that I would need to be prescribed oral medication. Oral medication is for Type 2 diabetics, and she told me that normally Type 1 diabetics do not need it, but since I was so large I would need it. I am sick right now, so luckily my eyes are just naturally watering, so she couldn't tell the difference between tears and watering eyes. I was trying not to cry too much and bracing myself till the moment I could run from that place. I asked her if I could see a dietician at some point, because I am having trouble knowing how many carbs are in popular foods here, because I don't even know what is in most dishes I am eating. I thought this might be something helpful and that way I could take something away from this appointment. She told me that she would be placing me on a diet because I am "dangerously large". This diet would be explained to me by the dietician.
So finally I see the dietician who tells me that I am now to be on a 1,000 calorie a day diet that includes no sugars, fats, oils, and salt at all. Basically that is starvation and definitely not enough to fuel myself thinking, let alone exercising. She also told me I should be running an hour a day, and I almost laughed in her face. An hour a day of running while only eating 1,000 calories. That's a practical joke, right? I exited the appointment with a fistful of sheets that had nothing to do with diabetes. They are about weight control, energy expenditure with different sorts of exercise and the calories and fat in many dishes here. I was so excited to see a sheet with popular meals, and didn't even look at the specifics of the numbers. I told her it was exciting to finally have a better idea of what was in some things, and then she told me that this was not carbohydrates, but calories and fat. I was told to "figure out" the carbs. Great, I will keep guessing.
I left the appointment feeling like a complete idiot. I then went to pay, and realized that I would be paying about 1/7 of my monthly salary to be called fat and made to feel really stupid....just awesome!
I wish it didn't bug me when Thai people call me fat, but it does. It happens all too often here, and I am sick of it. This is something I will certainly not miss when I leave this place. I understand I am not the smallest person and wish I could be smaller, but having your self-esteem crushed and beaten down all the time is not going to magically make me smaller. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to beating on myself, and I definitely don't need the help of others.
This being said, please pray that one day I will be able to find a diabetic doctor who is willing to help me and not harm me.....this is all just really discouraging and makes me want to go home.
I arrived to the appointment, and entered the room and the doctor says "whats your problem?". I was a little caught off guard because I wasn't expecting to have her start in right away, and I didn't even know her name and we had never met. I realized though, that I am on a long roster of people that see the doctor, so she doesn't have time for me. She needs to get through things quickly, so she doesn't have time for menial details like my name, or the fact that I am diabetic. I told her I was having trouble with overnight lows with no pattern, and she looked at me and said "overnight? what does overnight mean?". DHLBJKSHCKJBJNCJK AHhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I am so sick of people not speaking English and having NO IDEA what I'm saying to them. Don't boast you are an English doctor when you don't know simple words. I then proceeded to act out sleeping and hoped I could get that across. She then got really confused, and said "are you diabetic?" Yes, genius. You are a diabetic specialist and all over my chart it says I am diabetic. What part of this is not clear. Do I need to speak in Thai? I can't, so it's probably best that I just leave.
The appointment only proceeded to get better. She looked at me and told me my "obesity is a problem". There had been no blood tests done at this point or any lab work, and she decided that I would need to be prescribed oral medication. Oral medication is for Type 2 diabetics, and she told me that normally Type 1 diabetics do not need it, but since I was so large I would need it. I am sick right now, so luckily my eyes are just naturally watering, so she couldn't tell the difference between tears and watering eyes. I was trying not to cry too much and bracing myself till the moment I could run from that place. I asked her if I could see a dietician at some point, because I am having trouble knowing how many carbs are in popular foods here, because I don't even know what is in most dishes I am eating. I thought this might be something helpful and that way I could take something away from this appointment. She told me that she would be placing me on a diet because I am "dangerously large". This diet would be explained to me by the dietician.
So finally I see the dietician who tells me that I am now to be on a 1,000 calorie a day diet that includes no sugars, fats, oils, and salt at all. Basically that is starvation and definitely not enough to fuel myself thinking, let alone exercising. She also told me I should be running an hour a day, and I almost laughed in her face. An hour a day of running while only eating 1,000 calories. That's a practical joke, right? I exited the appointment with a fistful of sheets that had nothing to do with diabetes. They are about weight control, energy expenditure with different sorts of exercise and the calories and fat in many dishes here. I was so excited to see a sheet with popular meals, and didn't even look at the specifics of the numbers. I told her it was exciting to finally have a better idea of what was in some things, and then she told me that this was not carbohydrates, but calories and fat. I was told to "figure out" the carbs. Great, I will keep guessing.
I left the appointment feeling like a complete idiot. I then went to pay, and realized that I would be paying about 1/7 of my monthly salary to be called fat and made to feel really stupid....just awesome!
I wish it didn't bug me when Thai people call me fat, but it does. It happens all too often here, and I am sick of it. This is something I will certainly not miss when I leave this place. I understand I am not the smallest person and wish I could be smaller, but having your self-esteem crushed and beaten down all the time is not going to magically make me smaller. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to beating on myself, and I definitely don't need the help of others.
This being said, please pray that one day I will be able to find a diabetic doctor who is willing to help me and not harm me.....this is all just really discouraging and makes me want to go home.
Sunday, 22 July 2012
Day by Day!
I often wish that I could know what God's plans for me were. I yearn to know why everything seems so unpredictable and confusing. The more I think about it though, the less I think this is actually what I want. I like things to be surprising and unpredictable, but only yearn for life to be predictable when things seem to not work out in my favour. I think I would be bored if I knew exactly what life was going to look like, and it would take away a lot of the adventure. And what fun is a life without adventure?
I only desire for things to be predictable because I desire an outcome that aligns with what i perceive the outcome should be. If the outcome is going to be any different, I just want some buffer time to be able to deal with the fact that I am not right and God's plans are so much better. The problem with my thinking is that I am not fully trusting in God's plans for me, and I am still trying to control the way things work out. I am aware that God's plans are better than my own, but I still want sufficient warning to be able to deal with the shock of what is to come. I am not trusting that God will provide the means for me to carry out His plans in His timing. Although I am aware that they are His plans and not my own, I often do not trust that I have the capabilities to carry out these plans. Now this isn't something that I would tell someone, but it is subtly the message that is sent when I am shocked by God's plans and wish I knew them ahead of time.
I am once again in a place where I am unsure of where I will be in a short period of time. This has happened before, and I remember learning to trust in God's timing, because it is much better than my own. This time around, however, I feel like God is teaching me to constantly rely on Him and not worry about tomorrow, but instead to know that if he has placed me here today, he has given me the tools to handle whatever I will face today. I often don't feel this way. I feel terrified and like a little girl. I feel a little bit like David when he was going to face Goliath: small and inadequate. But I need to have the courage that David had, and know that with God on my side I am able to face whatever is brought against me in the day.
I was recently reminded by a good friend of the story in Exodus where Moses is told by God that He will provide manna for the Israelites, but he will only provide enough for them each day. They need to pay attention to the instructions and trust that God will provide for them each day. Those who did not trust and wished to store up the manna came back to found it covered in maggots. I feel like this is what God is teaching me right now. I need not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself (Matthew 6:34). Each day God is providing me with the essential tools (manna) to make it through that day. I am not able to store them up and prepare ahead of time. Instead it is mandatory that I come before God each day for the strength that is required to make it through that day. I am never sure what each day here will hold, and I am not sure where I will be weeks from now, but I do not need to worry about that.
If God provides somewhere else for me to be, I will go knowing that He has opened up doors for me to be there. In the meantime I will rely on him each day and know that I need His strength for each new day. I do not have the tools or capabilities to do anything on my own, but I serve a God who has placed me here for a reason, and I need to trust that He has also provided me with the tools to do what He is asking of me. He will not ask us to do anything for the day that He will not walk through us with and provide us with the strength to get through. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it says "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it". I pray that I am able to remember this as I feel that I am not able to get through days here. Please pray also that I can be reminded of God's source of strength in all moments, even ones where I feel completely unsupported and inadequate.
I am tired and frustrated after this week, and I would ask that you could pray for me as I start this week. We ended the week with overnight camp, so this whole weekend has been spent with students and then lesson planning, so I have not had much of a break. The end of last week ended with me being yelled at by a parent who is requiring something from me that I am not able to provide, and the school administration is not available and supporting me. I know that God can do far more than the administration here (thankfully!!), so I pray that He reveals his plan for this situation to me. Even though I am frustrated, I am so thankful that I am able to come to God for my tools for the day each morning and throughout he day. His mercies are new every morning, and these days I am reminded of that and so thankful for that!
Here are some of the pictures I was able to capture of the adorable students from our overnight camp this weekend. These are a few precious reminders of why I am here and what God has given me to work with:
The overnight camp theme was the Olympics and I was with team orange! We were the Phillipines!
I only desire for things to be predictable because I desire an outcome that aligns with what i perceive the outcome should be. If the outcome is going to be any different, I just want some buffer time to be able to deal with the fact that I am not right and God's plans are so much better. The problem with my thinking is that I am not fully trusting in God's plans for me, and I am still trying to control the way things work out. I am aware that God's plans are better than my own, but I still want sufficient warning to be able to deal with the shock of what is to come. I am not trusting that God will provide the means for me to carry out His plans in His timing. Although I am aware that they are His plans and not my own, I often do not trust that I have the capabilities to carry out these plans. Now this isn't something that I would tell someone, but it is subtly the message that is sent when I am shocked by God's plans and wish I knew them ahead of time.
I am once again in a place where I am unsure of where I will be in a short period of time. This has happened before, and I remember learning to trust in God's timing, because it is much better than my own. This time around, however, I feel like God is teaching me to constantly rely on Him and not worry about tomorrow, but instead to know that if he has placed me here today, he has given me the tools to handle whatever I will face today. I often don't feel this way. I feel terrified and like a little girl. I feel a little bit like David when he was going to face Goliath: small and inadequate. But I need to have the courage that David had, and know that with God on my side I am able to face whatever is brought against me in the day.
I was recently reminded by a good friend of the story in Exodus where Moses is told by God that He will provide manna for the Israelites, but he will only provide enough for them each day. They need to pay attention to the instructions and trust that God will provide for them each day. Those who did not trust and wished to store up the manna came back to found it covered in maggots. I feel like this is what God is teaching me right now. I need not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself (Matthew 6:34). Each day God is providing me with the essential tools (manna) to make it through that day. I am not able to store them up and prepare ahead of time. Instead it is mandatory that I come before God each day for the strength that is required to make it through that day. I am never sure what each day here will hold, and I am not sure where I will be weeks from now, but I do not need to worry about that.
If God provides somewhere else for me to be, I will go knowing that He has opened up doors for me to be there. In the meantime I will rely on him each day and know that I need His strength for each new day. I do not have the tools or capabilities to do anything on my own, but I serve a God who has placed me here for a reason, and I need to trust that He has also provided me with the tools to do what He is asking of me. He will not ask us to do anything for the day that He will not walk through us with and provide us with the strength to get through. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it says "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it". I pray that I am able to remember this as I feel that I am not able to get through days here. Please pray also that I can be reminded of God's source of strength in all moments, even ones where I feel completely unsupported and inadequate.
I am tired and frustrated after this week, and I would ask that you could pray for me as I start this week. We ended the week with overnight camp, so this whole weekend has been spent with students and then lesson planning, so I have not had much of a break. The end of last week ended with me being yelled at by a parent who is requiring something from me that I am not able to provide, and the school administration is not available and supporting me. I know that God can do far more than the administration here (thankfully!!), so I pray that He reveals his plan for this situation to me. Even though I am frustrated, I am so thankful that I am able to come to God for my tools for the day each morning and throughout he day. His mercies are new every morning, and these days I am reminded of that and so thankful for that!
Here are some of the pictures I was able to capture of the adorable students from our overnight camp this weekend. These are a few precious reminders of why I am here and what God has given me to work with:
The student on the left is in my class. Her name is Plai and she is so animated...I love her!
Paper airplane throwing contest!
So much excitement!
Me: Ma Fuang, who much fun are you having?
Ma Fuang: This much fun!
(Disclaimer: Ma Fuang is the cutest girl at the school and my dear friend Ms.Lolen gets to teach her!)
These are two of my students at the campfire. Peace is in the background and Niki is in the foreground. Niki is one of my most challenging students because she does not talk, but she is so dear to my heart and I love her so much!
Having fun making torches!
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Big Day for William Squawklesworth Jr.
In every good classroom there is a signal that is used as an attention-getter. In my classroom, this just happens to be William Squawklesworth Junior. William Squawklesworth Jr. happens to be a rubber chicken, but he is an asset to our classroom and makes me laugh every day. He doesn't even speak, and he is hilarious! The kids have responded well to William, and I could not have asked for a better reception. They put William before themselves, and often asks questions about William. They ask if William can travel with us on outdoor outings. They want to feed William and take care of him, but mostly they fear William. Every time William squawks they are expected to turn to William, give their full attention and stop talking. Never in my life did i think that a rubber chicken named William would elicit such a harmonious response from a class of fourth graders. If someone were to demonstrate an ideal attention getter response, they could watch my classes response to William and know what they were searching for. It is absolutely amazing. I have a lot of fun with William and I often (daily) make up ridiculous stories to do with William. The best part about making up these stories is that my children actually understand me and laugh at me. That is something that is glorious in a classroom full of ESL students. I like to tell jokes and be funny (sometimes), but that can often be lost in a room full of students who don't understand at all what you are saying. I actually feel like a successful comedian when I am able to make most of my students laugh at something. This happened yesterday, when 10 out of 13 kids died laughing at something I said. This is such a rare occasion, but it showed me that all my humour is not lost. I usually will get about 3 kids laughing at any joke, but every time I joke with William the whole class just loves it.
Needless to say, William has been a great addition to the classroom. I have always held a secret place in my heart for William, but did not know this same special place for William was held by my students. Today one of my students crafted a list of member of 4A and this is what appeared:
William is pretty darn shocked and flattered at what he sees! He officially made it onto the class list!
Such a great moment in my classroom, and a benchmark day for William Squawklesworth Jr.!
Oh, and side note: it is about the funniest thing ever hearing children who are ESL trying to pronounce William Squawklesworth Jr. It may be one of the cutest things I have ever heard!!
Needless to say, William has been a great addition to the classroom. I have always held a secret place in my heart for William, but did not know this same special place for William was held by my students. Today one of my students crafted a list of member of 4A and this is what appeared:
Please not the last name on the page: William Squawklesworth Jr.!!!! I was in the middle of doing a reading assessment and looked up to see this out of the corner of my eye! It made me laugh so hard!
Oh, and side note: it is about the funniest thing ever hearing children who are ESL trying to pronounce William Squawklesworth Jr. It may be one of the cutest things I have ever heard!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)