Tough Questions!

God is moving here, and I am seeing it. I never doubted that God was doing awesome things here, but I feel privileged to be able to see tangible glimpses of the things he is doing both throughout the school and within my classroom.

Over the past week my kids have surprised me. Their questioning has become unreal, and at times, intimidating. I never thought that the questions of a grade four student could have me stop to think so much. During devotions they have been coming up with questions that seem far beyond their thinking level, and they nonchalantly raise their hands in a grade four manner (waving it wildly and sometimes saying "Miss Chrissy, Miss Chrissy" as they do) and unleash these questions. I will give you some examples.

We were discussing Noah's ark after we went through the story of Cain and Abel, and one of the quieter boys in my class raised his hand. This was his question: if God knew everything that was going to happen, why would he even create people in the first place if he knew he was going to kill them off? All of the sudden I found myself going back to the creation story and breaking apart this question. This devotion time took a completely different route than I had ever imagined and I found myself struggling to put an answer into simple grade four terms for them. 

A few days later we were discussing the salvation story and I was talking about how Jesus came to save us from our sins. They all seemed to understand this part, but then one of my girls raised her hand: Why did God send Jesus to die on the cross to save us from our sins... didn’t God sin first when he murdered everyone and sent the flood? Isn’t he just sending Jesus to save himself? But how can he save himself if God and Jesus are the same person? After this question was asked I sat there a little bit stunned that this was coming out of the mouth of a fourth grade student. I didn't even know where to begin in answering that one. 

Now picture this little girl who adamantly does not believe in God and is strictly Buddhist. She is grinning from ear to ear, because to her this is a competition and she has won. I never thought I would be discussing deep theological issues with fourth graders. I am learning so much and continually researching these much debated issues to bring them answers at a grade four level. They listen to what I say, but they don't have the capacity to respond to what I have said and talk back. Although their questions come at a much higher level than their grade and age, their ability to understand the whole conversation is not quite there. That presents an extra challenge though, because you can't delve into something and talk it out with them. I have told them that I am so proud of their critical thinking abilities and that their questions are phenomenal. I am shocked by the connections that are being made in their brains with the things we are discussing in class. This is proof to me that God is working in them, even if it is in the form of asking tough questions. They are mulling through things that have been said and remembering details. They know the stories and have understood at more than a surface level, because they are able to talk about the details and relate them to other events. 

I am so proud of them, and even if they are making me nervous daily, I know it is good for me (and them). I am being stretched and I am getting to know the hearts of my students more and more each day. 

Upon Further Reflection...

Since I returned from Christmas break it has been a time of settling back into classroom routines and enjoying having more energy than prior to the break! It has also been a time where I have been reflecting on my break, the good and the bad. Unfortunately my incident in  Hong Kong has been giving me sleepless nights since I returned. I have been waking up with vivid nightmares that are a combination of both real and fake details and places. These sort of nightmares are so terrifying to me, because when I wake up screaming it takes a moment to separate the dream from reality because part of the dream was a past reality. Even though there are nightmares and scary moments still, I have been able to see the hand of God so evidently in details from that night, and I want to share that with you. Hopefully you will be able to see and know the protective, loving hand of God in the details below. 

I know that the way out of the building was not supposed to be through a barricaded door in the basement. I know at that moment that there were no other options though, so that is all I was left with. Every time I think about that it gives me the absolute creeps, but also reminds me of how awesome our God is. So many times in my life, it is when I am left with nothing that I make room for God to do everything. That is exactly what happened (and had to happen) here. I was so helpless and vulnerable, and obviously not where I was supposed to be at that time, but he led me out and it allowed me to see His hand in the smallest details. 

The lady at reception asked to take my passport to copy it, and I told her no. She seemed a little shady and I was only going to be there a matter of hours, so I told her I would show it to her but she couldn't take it. That is not like me at all. In fact, in working overseas I have become so used to people taking my passport for just about anything. I even got asked for my passport when I went to buy M&M's at the airport one time! So for me to have said no to giving my passport to someone is very unlike me. Also, I was exhausted so it would be my natural reaction to just do whatever they asked of me. Instead, I didn't even think about it and said no. In retrospect I am SO GLAD I did not give that woman my passport for any period of time. That was God working in that moment. 

Another part of the night that I know God was fully involved in was the time that I left the building. My room was not heated and it was COLD. Thailand doesn't get cold and I had just come from NZ summer, so I was not prepared for cold weather in Hong Kong. Then when my room was not heated and not insulated it left me shivering. I think this was an act of God though, because when I woke up in the morning I literally put my flip-flops on (only one in Hong Kong wearing flip-flops....everyone else had boots on) and grabbed my bag and left. I had no desire to hang around in the cold. I also am pretty anal about getting places on time. I think this stems from my parents always being late for everything, so I guess I can thank them too ;) So I wanted to make sure that I got to the airport with plenty of time to spare. The woman at reception had asked me several times when I was leaving in the morning, and then she suggested a time that I leave. I told her yes, and then she confirmed 3 times with me that I would be leaving at the time she asked. I thought nothing of it at the time, because I was so tired and she was just getting a little annoying. So I nodded my head, assured her I would leave then and left. I actually ended up leaving at 5:25am instead of 6am, a whole 35 minutes earlier than I said I would be going. As I was trying to open the doors and found them locked, it hit me that I had told her exactly what time I was leaving the building and when I would be on my way out. 

I had also confirmed with her multiple times that I would not bring my key past a certain door in the morning. Nothing made sense as I was at reception because I did not know the door she was talking about. I thought it would all make a lot more sense when I saw it, so I kind of ignored the sense of urgency in her voice and agreed. I told her I would NOT bring my key past this door. So in the morning, I left the key where she told me to leave it, walked my way through a self-locking door and proceeded to walk, without a key, through a series of doors that all locked behind me. She had told me so many times NOT to bring my key through that door. That sure was racing through my mind also as I went to unlock the doors and realized I had no key. It was in that moment when I put together the fact that she told me to leave my key so adamantly and she knew exactly what time I was leaving the building (and had confirmed it with me 3 times) that I felt overwhelmed with panic and knew I was in trouble. As I walked down those stairs, and I honestly don't know how I did, my legs felt like jello. I have no better way of explaining the feeling than saying my body was petrified or frozen with fear and for some reason I was still walking. My legs didn't feel attached to me and just felt jello-like. I don't know if I knew in the moment that my prayers for protection were certainly being heard and God was carrying me, but in retrospect this is the only way to make sense of that. In the moment, however, I felt like I was being directed by someone other than myself. Every motion or movement I took was quick and fluid and I felt like I wasn't doing a lot of thinking. If I had paused to think about the situation I was in I would likely have curled up in fetal position and been a mess. As I think about how quickly my mind processed and moved and didn't even think about how terrifying some of the things were, I know this was God. As I processed things more (when I was on the bus), they became more frightening, and if I was processing them as they were happening to that extent, I don't think I would have made it out of there. 

A lot of people have asked me how I could even go down those basement stairs, and I can't tell you. I am scared of the dark in my own house and would not go down dark stairs if they were familiar to me. I am not exactly the most courageous person I know (far from that, actually), so it is overly evident that all of this was God guiding me through every step. I will probably never be able to explain to you the feeling of fear that I experienced or get you to understand exactly how terrifying that basement was, but I hope you can understand that we have a God who protects us during the scariest times and acts in ways that we don't even know. I keep thinking of all the tiny details that were probably all part of God's plan for my safety, and it overwhelms me. The details that he planned seem so well planned out, when it was only one days decisions and actions affecting the next day. I try to imagine that God has us doing things in our life now that may be connected to things we do 50 years from now, and it blows my mind! He knows every detail and plans everything so much more intricately than we could ever fathom. I think of myself as an organized person, but the amount of pre-planning and organization that goes into even a day of our lives is too much for my mind to handle! 

If anyone would like to pray that the nightmares I am having would take a hike, that would be awesome, and greatly appreciated. It has been a couple weeks without a solid night of sleep, and I so badly want good sleep back! 

(Not) Alone in Hong Kong

I should be sleeping right now, but I can't. I am lying here thinking about the whirlwind that this past two weeks has been. I just came back from New Zealand and absolutely loved every minute of it. I am frozen thinking about God's faithfulness and protection over the past 72 hours in my life. I just can't get over his hand of protection over circumstances I found myself in, and perhaps it will be somewhat therapeutic to put this down in words.

I travelled to NZ alone, and it was a fantastic journey. Traveling alone can be nervewracking at times, especially as a female. I did have some moments where I wished I was with other people, but overall it was an amazing experience and I felt very well taken care of. That was until I started my journey home. Being at the end of the trip, I felt like the trip was done and my adventure had ended. Little did I know that the adventure was just about to begin. I spent the night before my 8am flight "sleeping" at the Auckland airport. I didn't end up sleeping and boarded my flight rather exhausted. I have always been really bad at sleeping on planes and was once again unsuccessful at sleeping on this flight. So there were another 12 hours that I did not sleep. This made me one tired girl when we landed in Hong Kong. In retrospect it was probably not a good place to be in when landing in a foreign country where English is not the primary language. I was so exhausted and could feel myself just wanting to burst into tears. I needed to find somewhere to sleep, because my connecting flight was not until the morning. I quickly got the feeling that I was not going to be allowed to sleep in the airport so I started asking about places to stay. The airport endorses places that are a minimum of $265 US dollars per night, so that was completely out of the question. They referred me to someone who had a list of hostels and cheaper accommodations. I started phoning and either a) they did not have room, b) their english was atrocious and I had no idea what they were saying, or c) they were multiple hours from the airport. After phoning the entire 3-page list of places I was so frustrated and wanted to curl up into a ball on the floor I was so tired. Finally I had to ask for more help and I was referred to a place that had a spot open. She told me I needed to get there before 6, and I wasn't sure if that was feasible. I explained to her that I was coming from the airport and didn't know anything about Hong Kong or how long things took, and asked if that would be ok. She insisted that i needed to be there by 6, and told me I might make it. Great. That was really re-assuring. At this point I don't know how to even get out of the airport (it seemed massive and so confusing) and after asking about 6 people and being entirely confused about how to leave I proceeded to have a breakdown. I finally made it to a taxi and was on my way. About an hour into the taxi ride I looked down and realized it was past 6pm now. Shoot. I am now in a taxi heading to somewhere and I am not sure if they will be there/if I am going to be able to stay there. I can't explain this to my taxi driver and can't ask him to wait because I can't even say hello in his language. My taxi driver finally (after about an hour and fourty minutes in the taxi) drops me off and simply points. I am in a massively busy area and don't see the name of my hotel anywhere. He is pointing down an alley, and when I get out he is gone.

It took a long while trying to find out where I was going, and eventually I was lead to an elevator and had no idea what floor I was going to. Seeing as the buildings are all about 40 floors high, I guess I was lucky that after going through floor 1-12, I finally found my destination on floor 12. I checked in and was told by the woman at the desk who spoke broken english that I needed to follow this other woman to my room in another building. I followed her and found myself being led back outside and through the busy streets of Hong Kong. She did not speak English and wasn't even looking behind her to see if I was still there. There were so many people and I was scared I was going to lose her and not know where to go. We were taken off the main street and down several smaller streets and finally made it to this other building.

This building was the sketchiest place I have ever been in. She took me to the lift and it took 15 minutes for it to finally come. We waited and I tried to take in my surroundings. Just generally terrifying, and I wondered what I was doing. She took me up to the floor and then through several doorways and led me to an area that had three rooms. She pointed and I guessed this was mine. It was miniature and gross. It was also freezing cold and the room was not heated, which was great when I had no luggage with me and am used to the heat of Thailand. The blankets on the bed covered about half of me, but there were 2 beds so between the two miniature really thin blankets I was able to cover myself.

I had to wake up at 5am to be able to get the bus back to the airport to make my morning flight. I had been given instructions of where this would be, so I thought I would be ok. I usually do not like to go out anywhere at 5am, let alone a place that seemed so sketchy and strange. I made my way back to the hallway where the lift was and waited for it to come. After 10 minutes of it not coming I started to think that I would need to find the stairs, but everything around me was scary and I didn't really want to look around anywhere. I waited another 5 minutes, and in fear of missing my flight because of it, I proceeded to search for a staircase. I found it and when I opened the doors to the stairs I cringed. It was a terrifyingly creepy staircase. I braced myself and told myself if I hurried down it would all be over soon. The stairs were dark and very dimly lit. As I went down there were some very shady characters around the 3rd floor. They were burning something and smoking, and they looked at me and laughed and starting speaking Chinese to one another. I quickly passed by them and picked up my pace a little. I felt like you could hear my heart beating out of my chest at this point, so i wanted to leave before they could hear it.

I finally got to the door that said 1/f which I assumed meant 1st floor. I was a little relieved to finally be there, and would soon be out onto the main road. I went to open the door and it was locked. I tried again because I was certain this must not be happening. It sure was. Locked. Going into a slight panic attack I walked back to the second floor in hopes that it would be open and I could maybe get the lift from there. Locked. All of the doors had locked behind me and I was stuck in the sketchiest stairwell I can imagine. Trying not to pass out because I was so terrified, I thought about my options. The shady men were at floor 3, and I was now back to floor one. I was not going to pass them again, but I couldn't get out floor one or two. At this moment I felt like I might die. In all seriousness I feared I was being led into the sex trade or something awful was going to happen to me. I prayed to God and asked for protection and tried not to fully freak out. At the 1st floor there was another set of smaller stairs from there that presumably led to a basement. No part of me wanted to go down them because they were small and dingy and it was darker down there than the other places. I thought about my options however, and had no choice. I think God moved my legs, because they felt like jello. I felt like I was walking on a cloud as I walked and froze with fear. As I entered the basement area my surroundings were a lot grosser and sketchier than the main stairwell, which I had thought was the ultimate in sketchy. As I came to the bottom it was dark and I couldn't see anything. I walked a few feet and started to see a light. I walked towards it and prayed that it was some sort of exit. As I proceeded I could feel a change in temperature and knew that it was an exit to the outdoors. I had to clear out construction equipment and some odd things to unblock the door, but I was able to exit from there. I walked out and was in a back alleyway and had no idea where I was.

I was still terrified and in a state of panic. I didn't feel safe yet, even though I had made it out of the building. To make it worse, there was a police vehicle making circles around the street. I already knew something was sketchy with this area, and the police vehicle parusing the area kind of confirmed that. I stood stunned and absolutely terrified and confused. Alone in Hong Kong at 5:30am with no idea where you are and no ability to communicate in their language to ask where to go. Please God, HELP! I finally had to wave down the police vehicle and ask if anyone spoke English. There were 3 police men in the vehicle and one of them spoke broken English and pointed me in the right direction. Thank you, God. I proceeded to have the most terrifyingly lonely walk through the back alleyways to the main street. Every noise made me uneasy and every person seemed untrustworthy at that moment.

I got lost and confused again, because the directions were unclear that he had given me. I had to ask so many people before I finally found someone who could speak English and help me. I was going in the wrong direction and was helped to the bus stop.

I finally made it to the airport and was able to decompress as I waited for my flight. Slightly traumatized I checked my email with the free wifi available at the airport. I was shocked to see the number of people who had said they were praying for me. I am so so thankful for all of these people because I know that the prayers were heard and God definitely has his hand of protection over me that night. The strangest thing was this, however. I had a facebook message waiting for me when I checked my emails. A girl I went to camp with and haven't talked to in over 5 years had messaged me. I had no idea she was a Christian when we went to camp, and still to this day had no idea she was a Christian. She sent me a message to say that she had woken up and checked fb and saw the trouble I was in overseas and told me that she knew she needed to pray for me. She wanted to know if I was alright. I completely broke down when I read this (yes, now the Hong Kong airport staff have seen me break down twice....awesome!), because it was just confirmation to me that I was being prayed over and protected. God alerted someone to wake up and pray for me and had people thinking and praying for me all over the world. Feeling like I actually really needed the prayers when they were happening, but not knowing until after the fact that people were praying for you is a really comforting feeling.

It hasn't been long since this happened (probably only 48 hours or something) and I am still slightly traumatized by the whole thing. I am so unbelievably thankful for God's hand of protection over me and am absolutely floored when I think about how covered I was by God's hands in this situation. I can say that I was alone in Hong Kong and many times that night I felt completely alone, but looking back it is so clear that God was with me every moment of that night and covered me as I went. I still can't really get over how awesome that is. Traumatized, but SO so thankful.

Tough

I was warned. Teaching at a Christian school in a Buddhist country is going to be hard. I listened, but I didn't fully understand. The reality of what "tough" entails is certainly coming to life and has been transpiring since I got here.

It seems that since I set foot in Thailand I have been under attack in one form or another since the week I arrived. Whether it be discrimination from the administration because of diabetes, attacks on any self-confidence I ever had, no support from the administration and personal attacks from them, or the cliques in this so called "Christian" community that we live in, I have been constantly feeling attacked since getting here. It has not been easy. I have seen spiritual attack and correlation in the attack I receive with great things happening in my classroom. There has been so much receptiveness to what I have been doing in devotions and what I have shared with my kids, but simultaneously I have felt so under attack.

I want to be able to see this work and not allow Satan to take hold of the work that God is doing in my classroom. But that is so tough. I have seen so much darkness and have been experiencing so much darkness and depression that is taking everything out of me. The reality of spiritual oppression and the presence of spiritual attacks in such a dark, Buddhist country is coming to life. I get so excited about sharing the gospel with my kids and having honest, truthful conversations with them. I have an opportunity to sit down with 13 young kids from Buddhist families each day and share with them why I believe in God and challenge them in ways I never thought I would have the audacity to do. God has given me courage to ask bold questions and not be afraid of being politically correct in my sharing with them.

Often God will speak to me in dreams of what I should share with my students in devotions. Sometimes it seems a little crazy, so in the morning I will pray and ask for confirmation. Each time I have presented something that seemed to be too bold or required a lot of courage, the immediate response in my classroom has floored me. The other day I sat my kids down and shared what was on my heart. One student asked a question and all of the sudden a great conversation started. I looked around to find the most captive audience I have ever seen out of my class. Every student was intrigued by what was being talked about and there was not one student who was not listening to what was happening. I would be lucky if this happened in English class, let alone devotions time.

Unfortunately though, I have to be honest. Christmas is usually a really exciting time and something that I really look forward to. Here though, I am actually dreading Christmas. I know, I sound like the most awful person. I know that Christmas time is one where talk of the gospel and Jesus is huge and it is a time where we get to present the parents of our kids with the gospel story. This should be so exciting, but I just know that with the presence of so much light around Christmas time, I feel like it is going to bring so much attack and oppression. It's almost like I feel I need to brace myself before the Christmas season here. But it has already started and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

I want to be so excited about all the ways that I see God moving here, but feeling excited about anything has been tough for a while. I'm drained and quite honestly tired of being here. Teaching at a Christian school in a Buddhist country is tough, and day-by-day I am  learning the reality of what that means.

My Special Project!

My heart is so unbelievably happy right now!!! As a teacher, there is always one student who is your special project for the year. It may be the child who is resistant to you and swears that you are their least favourite person. You are secretly trying to win them over and make them not hate everything you do. Or it may be the student who throws tantrums in your class and requires more patience than you think you could ever have. Most of the time this special project is a child who requires overwhelming amounts of patience and 200% of your time. For some strange reason, though, you tend to love them even more for this.

I have a favourite student. I know teachers are not supposed to admit to having a favourite student, but I think we all secretly do. That, or I'm a terrible teacher and I just admitted it to you. Either way, I still have a favourite student. Her name is Belinda (Note: this is note her actual name....it would be funny if it was, but it's not. Sorry to anyone named Belinda that may be reading this). She is such a sweet girl, and a girl of few words. By few words, I literally mean she does not talk. And no, I am not talking about that shy girl in class who is really reserved and never says anything. Yes, she does fall into all of the above categories, however she literally never talks. For the first few weeks of school I heard absolutely nothing out of her and she never talks to her classmates. Over time she has become more comfortable with me and she will talk to me, but it is very quiet. Unfortunately any bit of sound that is coming out of her mouth is usually drowned out by the obnoxious, yet mandatory, air conditioner.

Even when you are working one-on-one with her she will usually not say anything, and I provide her with options A and B so she can point and choose rather than talk. I try and make her talk sometimes, but it is a task and a half so I usually do not have the time to wait for her response. I will ask her a question and it will take a full three minutes for an answer to come out. Now, i know that doesn't sound long, but if you are thinking this I challenge you to time 3 minutes and see how long that is. Usually when you have to wait 10 seconds for someone to respond you think they have checked out of the conversation. I know the look she gets in her eyes though when she has an answer, and she gives me a little smile/smirk. You then just have to wait. And wait and wait and wait. Eventually she will come out with an answer, but it is a patience testing endeavour. Talk about teacher wait time!!

Anyways, she has becoming a lot more comfortable with me recently and I have been hearing her speak a little bit louder. I started tutoring her and she will speak quietly, but a lot louder than any other time. She will never speak in front of her classmates, so in tutoring when it is just us it is a good chance to ask her to speak.

Today I had the largest moment of teacher breakthrough with her though. I have been doing reader's theatre with the class and I purposefully gave her a role with the least speaking possible. Knowing that this would be a terrifying endeavour for any child to speak in front of the class (definitely was for me as a child!), I knew this was bound to make her cringe. I told them that reader's theatre was able to check off some of the curriculum goals for the year, and this was an alternative to standing in front of the class alone and doing speeches or presentations. I still knew she would be uncomfortable, so I had them practice this a lot and become very comfortable with it before they performed.

Today was the presentation of their plays and I was walking around the classroom listening to them have one last practice time. I was glancing around and all of the sudden I heard Belinda's voice.....from all the way across the room. She was speaking her line and I could hear it!!!! I looked at her and almost cried. It was such an emotional moment. I know, I sound pathetic, but this was actually such a big deal! I instantly grinned from ear to ear and was so unbelievably proud of her!! I went over and made sure she knew how great I thought she was doing, and she responded with the biggest smile I have ever seen her smile. She is a girl of few emotions, so even getting a smile out of her is a big deal!

She performed in front of the class and said her lines aloud. They were not as loud as in practice, but I had seen all I needed to see. I am SO unbelievably proud of her, and was not expecting this when I woke up this morning. God is working in incredible ways in this classroom, and today was a clear sign of God's hand over this classroom of students. For me that's as close to a miracle as I have ever seen. I know it doesn't sound like much to most people. It may just sound like a shy girl coming out of her shell, but to those who know Belinda they know that this is crazy!!

Honest Hearts

**I don't know about you, but I often write blog posts and then never post them. I am looking back now and am going to share some of the blog posts that I have written since being here. This was one from a couple months back with my students:


I sit here with a heart that hurts, yet is excited. My emotions are battling, and in an exhausting tug-of-war. This morning I had an eye opening devotions period with my students. I decided a couple weeks ago that I don't want to waste time trying to figure out what my students think, and sometimes I just need to have the boldness to discuss tough issues with them. I often get scared and want to be too politically correct and find myself not telling them that they are wrong. For instance, when it comes to being Buddhist and Christian at the same time. I knew what my students thought, or at least some of them. They believe that you can be both Buddhist and Christian at the same time. I don't feel like I am proselytizing them when I tell them that this is unfortunately not possible, and there needs to be a choice made between one or the other.

I have discovered that my students will do a lot of things just to please Miss. Chrissy! I mean, this is great, but sometimes it's actually really annoying. I don't want you to do things because that's the way I do them. I want you to be honest with me, and honest with yourself. I want this from all people I interact with in life, and I especially want this from my students. I am not here to force beliefs on my students and have them "believe" something simply because I do. I am here to show them what I believe and why I believe it, and hope that this serves as an example for them. I want them to ask questions and not accept every thing I tell them. I demand that from them. A class that sits in silence and agrees with me is boring. Often I have to challenge my students and tell them that I know they don't agree with me, and ask them to be brave enough to say so. I think my students finally understand that I am going to love them regardless of what they believe and they are more comfortable with being honest with me (this is a teachers dream!). Sometimes when I ask them questions though, they still give me the "teachers pet" response. I have learned that to get their honest response, I need to ask them to write. Paper is a place where no one is going to judge them. No classmates are going to read their response, and no one is going to question what they write. Each response is accepted equally and I am the only one that reads their writing.

So today I asked them a question that I have been wanting to know the answer to: Do you believe that you can be a Christian and a Buddhist at the same time? Explain why or why not. The clock ticked on as I awaited the students responses. I said nothing, and the pencils went to paper. The class was absolutely silent for 20 minutes and then the responses started trickling in. Some were what I had expected, and others shocked me.

I found that Buddhism here is not a religion, but a way of life. A lot of their responses hinted at the fact that they are Buddhist for any number or combination of these reasons:
1. They live in Thailand.
2. They were "born Buddhist"
3. Their parents are Buddhist, therefore they are Buddhist

One student said this "I am Thailand people I love to be a Buddhist", and another clearly depicted what many students thought. His response read: "Yes (I can be both a Christian and Buddhist), because I want to be a Christian and a Buddhist. My mom and dad are Buddhist. I want to be a Christian because I believe that there is a God that made me smart and I am Buddhist because I was born in Thailand and most people are Buddhist". The God that he speaks of is living and real and working in his life, but Buddhism is something that was inherited. Reading things like this makes me want to cry, but at the same time it makes me know that God is working in their little hearts to even know that they believe that there is a God and can feel him moving.

Another response said this "We can believe in God 50% or Buddha 50%, but I believe in God 100% and Buddha 100%, and I think Miss. Chrissy believes in God 1000%, and students in class believe in Buddha. I can't do anything without God or Buddha". Not sure what percent system we are working with, but something just doesn't equate here. Haha. But in all seriousness, these are the sort of things we can be praying for in my classroom. These students are feeling the tension between Buddhism and Christianity, and I think this is proof of God moving in them. If there was no tension, there would be little presence of God in their life to them, but this tension speaks to me and tells me that God is moving in their lives and proving to them that He is real.

The last one I will share with you was written by a little girl who at the beginning of the year told me that she did not believe in God. She told me that God promised no more floods, and Thailand is under water, so there is no God and that is that. This is what she wrote as her response:

"I think I can't be a Christian and a Buddhist at the same time because I can worship only one God. I am having a problem. I don't know who is real. Buddhist God said to believe in him and Christian God said to believe in Him too. I don't know a God to worship."

I read this and cried. Utter confusion, but movement. This is not the same girl who at the beginning of the year would deny any sign of a God. She was so adamant about there not being a God and all of the sudden she is confused enough to "have a problem". I know this does not sound like something to be excited about, but this is proof to me that God is somehow moving in her life and changing her heart.

Sneak Emotions

Here are some of the signs of suppressed homesickness. It presents itself a lot around holiday times and events where you know your family will be gathered without you. 

I went to Starbucks today to be in an atmosphere where Christmas music was playing and Christmas drinks are being served. In Thailand, with it being a very Buddhist place, Christmas is not big on peoples list of things to celebrate. It is so strange being in a place that is not inundated with Christmas the minute Halloween ends. But they also don't celebrate Halloween here, so basically there are no benchmarks for this time of the year. Often I feel like I am in perpetual summer time, but all the while working, so it doesn't feel a lot like summer. I usually don't love the mass media and hullabaloo with Christmas decorations and Christmas everything, as I find that it is such a distraction from the real reason for the holidays. Being here, however, I miss those things. I miss the Christmas spirit and feeling in the air around Christmastime. So that is why I find myself fleeing to one of the only places that is playing Christmas music (other than my own computer!) at this time of the year. 

I sat down in Starbucks and was content with the music and the atmosphere (they air condition it heavily, so it makes me feel like it is actually cold outside), until all of the sudden the song "I'll be home for Christmas" starts playing. It took all of 0.325 seconds for me to be overwhelmed with emotion that I never thought would happen. I was reading a book and instantly knew that I needed to leave Starbucks quickly before embarrassment ensued. I was tearing up with no good explanation and needed to leave as soon as possible. Classic case of suppressed homesickness. Sneak emotions are just not cool....you think you are okay, and then BAM. The thought of not being home at Christmastime with my family scares me, and if I think about it too much I am bound to start crying. I have planned a holiday over Christmas break to serve as a distraction from not being with my family, but there is something so magical about being at home with people who love you on the holidays. I will definitely miss that a lot this year, but hopefully I will be in a place where I can fully focus on the reason for the holiday and rest in knowing that this is God's plan for this Christmas season for me.