You'll have to wait and see...

Waiting. Have you ever thought about the number of things we wait for in a day. In a week? In a month? From the everyday things such as waiting for the photocopier, for lunch time to come, or for your time on the treadmill to be done. Or even waiting at stoplights or stop signs so you can get home to wait for dinner to be cooked so that you are able to eat and then wait for a respectable hour to deem 'bedtime'. I don't know about you, but I find myself in a constant state of waiting these days. There are so many different layers of things we wait for as well. There are the everyday things, but then there are periods of life and decisions that require waiting which seems to be on a larger scale. I am currently waiting for God to reveal his plans for my immediate future, which probably seems a lot more immediate to me than it does to Him at the moment. I have applied to schools and a job (which may or may not be on this continent) and find myself back in that place of wanting to have everything planned out. I seem to find myself here often, but each time I am in this place I have another example of God's recent faithful provision to be reminded of. This makes it easier to trust that this time will be no different, but I still ache to know what plans lie ahead. This desire to know what lies ahead has made me think a lot about waiting recently.

The other day as I checked the status of my applications I came to the realization that there doesn't need to be anxiety in this waiting period. I find myself anxious to know what is coming, but then I think back on the last months of my life. I remember the last time I was in a period of waiting (it really wasn't that long ago) and my desire to know what was next. That period was followed by a season of knowing exactly what I was doing and being completely overwhelmed with 130 of hours of work a week for  months at the beginning of the school year. I wanted to know what was coming, and then all of a sudden I knew all too well what I was doing and the expectations were laid out and completely overwhelming. In that time I so badly wanted a different season to come and couldn't wait for a time where I didn't have so many demands and expectations to constantly be battling.

Now as I finish out this school year and wait for what is next, I have realized that God has placed waiting in front of me for a reason. The work has been done, there is absolutely nothing for me to do to change any outcomes at the moment, and all He wants me to do is wait. I am so terrible at this, but I am hoping to see this waiting period and waiting periods to come in life as gifts of time to relax and rest in knowing that this is a season to wait and not be anxious. I am confident that God gives us seasons for a reason, and I also know that sometimes I am not the best at recognizing what God already knows I need for that season. This season of waiting may be exactly what I was recently asking for, but due to my selfish desires to plan things out and know the future, I am not letting go and resting in this time that can be just that: a rest period.

It's not like I have nothing to do as I wait at the moment either. I have a classroom full of awesomely moody teenagers to attend to each and everyday (they really are awesome). They are teaching me a lot and I sure hope I am teaching them some things this year as well. So as I wait I will soak up being a middle school/high school teacher for the time being and continue to see what God is trying to teach me as I live presently in this place.

I'm a Lucky Girl!

This morning was the last day of school with my students, and it was bittersweet. I am so terrible at saying goodbyes, because I am just a bucket of emotions. We had a lot of fun this morning and I didn't want to drag out the goodbyes. Some of my students tackle-hugged me though and wouldn't let go. One of the boys in my class started getting tears in his eyes, and I knew I was going to lose it. I kept it together and didn't cry (big success) and he had tears running down his face (even bigger success). Note: Usually if other people start crying, it is a dominoes effect and I usually will cry soon after. I know that sounds pathetically emotional, but I don't care. It's the truth.

I spent my afternoon attending graduation ceremonies at the school for the grades 6,9 and 12 students. Simultaneously I adding 'sweating to death' to that category in your brain of viable ways to unwillingly die. It was super grossly hot out today, and after being in Thailand for a year there is a new definition to "super grossly hot" in my dictionary.

After that I created a facebook account for my students only. I had told them what my fb name would be, but had yet to create that account. Of course, I should have known that all of my students would leave school and IMMEDIATELY try to add me to facebook. I came home after an afternoon of graduation ceremonies to find 5 emails in my inbox. All from students so concerned about not being able to find me on facebook. I quickly made an account and added some likes, some photos and made it official. Just in case you were wondering the things that I liked included: writing, reading, dogs, and global english school. I am considering adding rainbows, but I might have to do that at a later date. I chuckled at how ridiculous this fb account will be, but know that my students will love it, so thats all that really counts.

Now I am sitting here reflecting on some things, and I have this gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach. I realized that tomorrow is a "school day" but there will be no students in my classroom and nothing left to teach for the year. At this point of the school year for a teacher, this is time for a much needed break, and I am definitely happy for a break. The thing that gets me the most, however, is that for the first time in a long time I will not get to start my day by sharing the gospel with a group of kids. I got to wake up every day of this school year and walk into a class of students and tell them about Jesus and how real He is to me. I got to walk alongside them as they struggled with who God was to them and not being able to experience God in a real way. I prayed every single day for my students this year and I prayed that God would reveal himself in a tangible way that was specific to that student.

This morning I got the chance to pray individually for each student as a class. At first some of the students didn't want to be prayed for, but then within minutes after hearing others being prayed over, they wanted to be next. When I asked them who wanted to experience God in a real way this summer 7 of them raised their hands. Of these, I asked them who had experienced God in a real way before, and only 3 of them raised their hands. There are 4 students who have never experienced God in a real way, but believe that it will happen. I know this is a doorway for God to do big things in their lives and make them see things that He has already been doing in their lives. This alone was the best parting gift a teacher could get.

I have realized that there is one thing in life that I want to be able to do every morning. I want a job where I get to wake up and share the gospel with young people. I want people to be able to see Jesus in me wherever I am in life, but I specifically want to be able to work somewhere where I can teach students about Jesus. It will be tough to wake up tomorrow without this part of my life. My days as a teacher here are over, but hopefully my students have been impacted by what they have learned about the gospel and the reality of Jesus in my life and others at this school.

Conclusion: I have been one lucky girl. Waking up every morning to share the gospel with a captive audience of young minds. Praise the Lord for the work that has been done here this year, and continues to be done in the hearts and minds of these students over their summer breaks and into the coming years.

More Prayer Requests

I am not in much of a writing mood right now, so I am going to keep this brief. It is a really busy time of the school year and my head is spinning with a million things to do. I promise I have things to update about, and I will give you a deserved update when I find some time to breathe again.

I am writing today to ask for prayer. I know this is a common reason for writing, but I really appreciate people who are praying for me, my students, and the work being done here in Thailand and specifically at GES.

This morning one of my students asked a question, and prefaced it by telling me it was hard and I probably couldn't answer it. He proceeded to tell me that ever since he decided to become a Christian that bad things have been happening to him that never happened when he was not a Christian. He then looked up at me, and I realized that he had tears welling in his eyes. He then told me that he didn't know if he could do it anymore.

My heart broke a little when I heard this and saw the tears welling in his eyes. I wanted to cry with him, but instead I asked him if I ever told him that Christianity would be easy. He told me no, and I reinforced that we had talked many times about how tough being a Christian could be. I had about 35 seconds before I had to take my kids out to flag, so I told him that I thought being a Christian in Thailand is especially tough. I asked him if I could pray for him and he said he would like that. I took time to pray with him and ask God for clarity in this.

I really believe that being a Christian here is so tough. Especially for a child living in a Buddhist home with so much working against them. There is no time for transitions and a warm welcome into Christian circles, but instead children who become Christians seem to have so much against them (including spiritual attacks). So I am asking you to join me in praying against these things. Pray that there would be protection over these students and that they could tangibly feel this protection over them.

Thank you for your continued support. I promise to update more soon, but please join me in praying in the mean time.

Prayers Appreciated

I could use some prayer for the coming weeks. It is the end of the school year and that is a crazy-busy time. Report cards are coming up, along with standards and a to-do list that seems to be never ending. I am feeling a little stressed and less connected with my kids because my head is in this mountain of paperwork. I want to be able to share the precious moments I have left with my kids and share Jesus with them more than anything in our remaining time. I know they will see less of Jesus in me if I am preoccupied with other things, and the best thing I can do is just be present in moments and enjoy time with my kids and open to their questions and conversations. Unfortunately, this is a struggle with a looming to-do list and rising stress levels, so some prayer for this would be appreciated.

I also could really use prayer for my exit interview that will be happening sometime soon. To be completely honest, this year has been a tough one and has hurt me in a lot of ways. I have dreams about my exit interview and it never ends well. I wake up anxious because I start screaming and getting so angry or just break down into tears. Both are viable options after the events of this year, but neither are things I want to happen. I asked to have the questions ahead of time so that I can prepare myself and make this the most constructive meeting. I do not want to get angry, but it is so hard to contain anger after being so hurt all year. I unfortunately have seen bitterness start to form in me after this year. I don't want that and I have been praying that I can present what I have to say calmly and in a constructive manner. Please pray for me also as I go into this meeting. Please pray for the school and pray for their hearts in receiving what I have to say.

I have 32 days left here now. That seems so surreal to me after seriously contemplating leaving multiple times this year. I have made it to the end, and I know that was God's plan for me this year. I am thankful that I am constantly seeing glimpses of God's goodness here, and I am thankful that God knows exactly when we need to see those glimpses of the work He is always doing around us!

Prayers against sickness needed!

So my students (and I) have been really sick recently. A lot of students have been absent or coming to school and then going home. Last week I was sick and had to take a couple days off with something flu-like. I was just informed that one of my students has dengue hemorrhagic fever, which (to my understanding) is a more dangerous stream of dengue fever. Please keep him in your prayers and pray that his fever can come down quickly. He has quite a high fever and has had it since last Tuesday. Another student is also being checked for Dengue, and I am hoping that they are alright. It is most definitely mosquito season here, and despite having mosquito netting and wearing bug spray at all times, I find myself with tons of mosquito bites at the end of the day. God has protected me from Dengue so far, but I ask that you join me in praying for my students who are ill (specifically the one with Dengue) and that they would be feeling better soon.

God is Good!

This comes directly out of a morning journal from one of my students in response to a critical thinking question:

"I will choose to believe in God because I know that heaven is true and I want to be with Jesus in heaven and not die again. I know that now I'm Buddhist but I want to change. I really...want to change.  I want to be a Christian. I believe that God provide everything for us. He takes care of us all of the time. So I believe in God and I don't know how to change. Can you help me?"

Praise the Lord!!! I have been praying all year that God would speak to them in their own individual ways, and today this boy came to me and told me that "God spoke to [him] in [his] own individual way"! I Just thought that was so cool! I tell my kids all the time what specifically I pray for them about and they hear me pray these prayers over them each day. It is just so awesome to see God answering prayers for me to see! I expected the results to be something I would not see for many years, or maybe never see, and was ready to be patient. Instead, I am so incredibly lucky to be able to see God answering prayers and changing my students' hearts right before my eyes!!!

On another note, I have one girl in my class who comes from a Korean family of missionaries. She has been sick a lot recently and this morning her dad informed me that she was sick due to spiritual warfare. That was a first. I honestly never expected to hear that as a reason for someone not being at school, but it awakened me once again to the reality of spiritual attack. I know I might sound redundant in asking for prayers against these attacks, but I know they are real and I know it is because God is moving in big ways here. Please continue to cover this school and classroom with your prayers....I really appreciate all of you who are praying and supporting me here!! 

"Can I switch?"

This morning was a really special morning with my kids. The conversation was real and the kids were really responsive this morning. Instead of the glazed over, tired, morning looks that the kids usually have, they were energetic. They were talking and discussion was happening. I wanted to learn more about what Buddhism was to them, so I asked them to tell me who Buddha was in their lives. After some interesting answers and a lot of confusion, I asked them to write for me. I have said this before, but something about writing makes them produce honest answers. I asked them to write about how life would be different if Buddha did not exist. They needed to tell me how the past, present, and future would be different. 

Some of the students got writing, and others got frustrated. They couldn't complete the assignment because they said that nothing would be different. I told them to tell me why they are Buddhist and what affect it has on their lives, and then think about how that would change if Buddhism did not exist. I told them that my life would be drastically different if God did not exist and I want to know how their life would be different without Buddhism. Some of my smartest students were stumped. They sat there and adamantly told me that they couldn't complete the writing assignment because nothing would be different if Buddhism did not exist. All of the sudden one of my boys, who was getting really irritated that he couldn't write anything, told me that he wanted to switch. Switch what? "I want to switch religions. I want to be a Christian, but I don't know how"!!! This is a student who has been struggling with things all year long. He reads the bible every chance he gets in class and will come up to me with stories and ask questions. He has a desire to know God, and I have seen this all along, but he also comes from a Buddhist home and struggles with wanting to believe in both things. He said that he prays to Buddha so he can talk to God. A moment before that he told me that Buddha was not God. So then I asked him what God he was talking to through Buddha, and he said "your God". 

He prays to Buddha to talk to God. That is a great picture to me of the tension that a lot of kids face here. Their families are Buddhist and they don't know how to access God without masking it or getting in trouble. They have this tension to still follow the Buddhist traditions, but they sense and feel the realness of God. 

The conversation in the classroom got so real and I got to share with my kids about how I grew up in a Christian home and did not have to make my faith my own until I went to University. A lot of them talked about how they only do these things because of their parents. I told them that they would one day have to choose and religion is not inherited. We got to talk about how they can become Christians if they choose and what that means. I left class this morning feeling almost numb because of the awesome things God did in that classroom this morning. This afternoon I red through all of their responses and found that one other student, who was previously not a Christian, wrote in his journal that he is a Christian and God makes a lot more sense to him than Buddha. He wants to be a Christian and follow God because he "can feel God"!!!

I am so excited to see my kids experiencing God on their own and sensing God's presence in their lives. I would love if you could be praying with me for my students. I know that the enemy will be after them now that they have proclaimed that they want to be Christians, and I believe in the power of prayer to help protect them from that. I also know that by sharing this I likely will be attacked in some form, because this place seems to be the stomping ground of the enemy (because God is moving here). So please, be encouraged by this, but also keep this school and class in your prayers.