Tough

I was warned. Teaching at a Christian school in a Buddhist country is going to be hard. I listened, but I didn't fully understand. The reality of what "tough" entails is certainly coming to life and has been transpiring since I got here.

It seems that since I set foot in Thailand I have been under attack in one form or another since the week I arrived. Whether it be discrimination from the administration because of diabetes, attacks on any self-confidence I ever had, no support from the administration and personal attacks from them, or the cliques in this so called "Christian" community that we live in, I have been constantly feeling attacked since getting here. It has not been easy. I have seen spiritual attack and correlation in the attack I receive with great things happening in my classroom. There has been so much receptiveness to what I have been doing in devotions and what I have shared with my kids, but simultaneously I have felt so under attack.

I want to be able to see this work and not allow Satan to take hold of the work that God is doing in my classroom. But that is so tough. I have seen so much darkness and have been experiencing so much darkness and depression that is taking everything out of me. The reality of spiritual oppression and the presence of spiritual attacks in such a dark, Buddhist country is coming to life. I get so excited about sharing the gospel with my kids and having honest, truthful conversations with them. I have an opportunity to sit down with 13 young kids from Buddhist families each day and share with them why I believe in God and challenge them in ways I never thought I would have the audacity to do. God has given me courage to ask bold questions and not be afraid of being politically correct in my sharing with them.

Often God will speak to me in dreams of what I should share with my students in devotions. Sometimes it seems a little crazy, so in the morning I will pray and ask for confirmation. Each time I have presented something that seemed to be too bold or required a lot of courage, the immediate response in my classroom has floored me. The other day I sat my kids down and shared what was on my heart. One student asked a question and all of the sudden a great conversation started. I looked around to find the most captive audience I have ever seen out of my class. Every student was intrigued by what was being talked about and there was not one student who was not listening to what was happening. I would be lucky if this happened in English class, let alone devotions time.

Unfortunately though, I have to be honest. Christmas is usually a really exciting time and something that I really look forward to. Here though, I am actually dreading Christmas. I know, I sound like the most awful person. I know that Christmas time is one where talk of the gospel and Jesus is huge and it is a time where we get to present the parents of our kids with the gospel story. This should be so exciting, but I just know that with the presence of so much light around Christmas time, I feel like it is going to bring so much attack and oppression. It's almost like I feel I need to brace myself before the Christmas season here. But it has already started and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

I want to be so excited about all the ways that I see God moving here, but feeling excited about anything has been tough for a while. I'm drained and quite honestly tired of being here. Teaching at a Christian school in a Buddhist country is tough, and day-by-day I am  learning the reality of what that means.

My Special Project!

My heart is so unbelievably happy right now!!! As a teacher, there is always one student who is your special project for the year. It may be the child who is resistant to you and swears that you are their least favourite person. You are secretly trying to win them over and make them not hate everything you do. Or it may be the student who throws tantrums in your class and requires more patience than you think you could ever have. Most of the time this special project is a child who requires overwhelming amounts of patience and 200% of your time. For some strange reason, though, you tend to love them even more for this.

I have a favourite student. I know teachers are not supposed to admit to having a favourite student, but I think we all secretly do. That, or I'm a terrible teacher and I just admitted it to you. Either way, I still have a favourite student. Her name is Belinda (Note: this is note her actual name....it would be funny if it was, but it's not. Sorry to anyone named Belinda that may be reading this). She is such a sweet girl, and a girl of few words. By few words, I literally mean she does not talk. And no, I am not talking about that shy girl in class who is really reserved and never says anything. Yes, she does fall into all of the above categories, however she literally never talks. For the first few weeks of school I heard absolutely nothing out of her and she never talks to her classmates. Over time she has become more comfortable with me and she will talk to me, but it is very quiet. Unfortunately any bit of sound that is coming out of her mouth is usually drowned out by the obnoxious, yet mandatory, air conditioner.

Even when you are working one-on-one with her she will usually not say anything, and I provide her with options A and B so she can point and choose rather than talk. I try and make her talk sometimes, but it is a task and a half so I usually do not have the time to wait for her response. I will ask her a question and it will take a full three minutes for an answer to come out. Now, i know that doesn't sound long, but if you are thinking this I challenge you to time 3 minutes and see how long that is. Usually when you have to wait 10 seconds for someone to respond you think they have checked out of the conversation. I know the look she gets in her eyes though when she has an answer, and she gives me a little smile/smirk. You then just have to wait. And wait and wait and wait. Eventually she will come out with an answer, but it is a patience testing endeavour. Talk about teacher wait time!!

Anyways, she has becoming a lot more comfortable with me recently and I have been hearing her speak a little bit louder. I started tutoring her and she will speak quietly, but a lot louder than any other time. She will never speak in front of her classmates, so in tutoring when it is just us it is a good chance to ask her to speak.

Today I had the largest moment of teacher breakthrough with her though. I have been doing reader's theatre with the class and I purposefully gave her a role with the least speaking possible. Knowing that this would be a terrifying endeavour for any child to speak in front of the class (definitely was for me as a child!), I knew this was bound to make her cringe. I told them that reader's theatre was able to check off some of the curriculum goals for the year, and this was an alternative to standing in front of the class alone and doing speeches or presentations. I still knew she would be uncomfortable, so I had them practice this a lot and become very comfortable with it before they performed.

Today was the presentation of their plays and I was walking around the classroom listening to them have one last practice time. I was glancing around and all of the sudden I heard Belinda's voice.....from all the way across the room. She was speaking her line and I could hear it!!!! I looked at her and almost cried. It was such an emotional moment. I know, I sound pathetic, but this was actually such a big deal! I instantly grinned from ear to ear and was so unbelievably proud of her!! I went over and made sure she knew how great I thought she was doing, and she responded with the biggest smile I have ever seen her smile. She is a girl of few emotions, so even getting a smile out of her is a big deal!

She performed in front of the class and said her lines aloud. They were not as loud as in practice, but I had seen all I needed to see. I am SO unbelievably proud of her, and was not expecting this when I woke up this morning. God is working in incredible ways in this classroom, and today was a clear sign of God's hand over this classroom of students. For me that's as close to a miracle as I have ever seen. I know it doesn't sound like much to most people. It may just sound like a shy girl coming out of her shell, but to those who know Belinda they know that this is crazy!!

Honest Hearts

**I don't know about you, but I often write blog posts and then never post them. I am looking back now and am going to share some of the blog posts that I have written since being here. This was one from a couple months back with my students:


I sit here with a heart that hurts, yet is excited. My emotions are battling, and in an exhausting tug-of-war. This morning I had an eye opening devotions period with my students. I decided a couple weeks ago that I don't want to waste time trying to figure out what my students think, and sometimes I just need to have the boldness to discuss tough issues with them. I often get scared and want to be too politically correct and find myself not telling them that they are wrong. For instance, when it comes to being Buddhist and Christian at the same time. I knew what my students thought, or at least some of them. They believe that you can be both Buddhist and Christian at the same time. I don't feel like I am proselytizing them when I tell them that this is unfortunately not possible, and there needs to be a choice made between one or the other.

I have discovered that my students will do a lot of things just to please Miss. Chrissy! I mean, this is great, but sometimes it's actually really annoying. I don't want you to do things because that's the way I do them. I want you to be honest with me, and honest with yourself. I want this from all people I interact with in life, and I especially want this from my students. I am not here to force beliefs on my students and have them "believe" something simply because I do. I am here to show them what I believe and why I believe it, and hope that this serves as an example for them. I want them to ask questions and not accept every thing I tell them. I demand that from them. A class that sits in silence and agrees with me is boring. Often I have to challenge my students and tell them that I know they don't agree with me, and ask them to be brave enough to say so. I think my students finally understand that I am going to love them regardless of what they believe and they are more comfortable with being honest with me (this is a teachers dream!). Sometimes when I ask them questions though, they still give me the "teachers pet" response. I have learned that to get their honest response, I need to ask them to write. Paper is a place where no one is going to judge them. No classmates are going to read their response, and no one is going to question what they write. Each response is accepted equally and I am the only one that reads their writing.

So today I asked them a question that I have been wanting to know the answer to: Do you believe that you can be a Christian and a Buddhist at the same time? Explain why or why not. The clock ticked on as I awaited the students responses. I said nothing, and the pencils went to paper. The class was absolutely silent for 20 minutes and then the responses started trickling in. Some were what I had expected, and others shocked me.

I found that Buddhism here is not a religion, but a way of life. A lot of their responses hinted at the fact that they are Buddhist for any number or combination of these reasons:
1. They live in Thailand.
2. They were "born Buddhist"
3. Their parents are Buddhist, therefore they are Buddhist

One student said this "I am Thailand people I love to be a Buddhist", and another clearly depicted what many students thought. His response read: "Yes (I can be both a Christian and Buddhist), because I want to be a Christian and a Buddhist. My mom and dad are Buddhist. I want to be a Christian because I believe that there is a God that made me smart and I am Buddhist because I was born in Thailand and most people are Buddhist". The God that he speaks of is living and real and working in his life, but Buddhism is something that was inherited. Reading things like this makes me want to cry, but at the same time it makes me know that God is working in their little hearts to even know that they believe that there is a God and can feel him moving.

Another response said this "We can believe in God 50% or Buddha 50%, but I believe in God 100% and Buddha 100%, and I think Miss. Chrissy believes in God 1000%, and students in class believe in Buddha. I can't do anything without God or Buddha". Not sure what percent system we are working with, but something just doesn't equate here. Haha. But in all seriousness, these are the sort of things we can be praying for in my classroom. These students are feeling the tension between Buddhism and Christianity, and I think this is proof of God moving in them. If there was no tension, there would be little presence of God in their life to them, but this tension speaks to me and tells me that God is moving in their lives and proving to them that He is real.

The last one I will share with you was written by a little girl who at the beginning of the year told me that she did not believe in God. She told me that God promised no more floods, and Thailand is under water, so there is no God and that is that. This is what she wrote as her response:

"I think I can't be a Christian and a Buddhist at the same time because I can worship only one God. I am having a problem. I don't know who is real. Buddhist God said to believe in him and Christian God said to believe in Him too. I don't know a God to worship."

I read this and cried. Utter confusion, but movement. This is not the same girl who at the beginning of the year would deny any sign of a God. She was so adamant about there not being a God and all of the sudden she is confused enough to "have a problem". I know this does not sound like something to be excited about, but this is proof to me that God is somehow moving in her life and changing her heart.

Sneak Emotions

Here are some of the signs of suppressed homesickness. It presents itself a lot around holiday times and events where you know your family will be gathered without you. 

I went to Starbucks today to be in an atmosphere where Christmas music was playing and Christmas drinks are being served. In Thailand, with it being a very Buddhist place, Christmas is not big on peoples list of things to celebrate. It is so strange being in a place that is not inundated with Christmas the minute Halloween ends. But they also don't celebrate Halloween here, so basically there are no benchmarks for this time of the year. Often I feel like I am in perpetual summer time, but all the while working, so it doesn't feel a lot like summer. I usually don't love the mass media and hullabaloo with Christmas decorations and Christmas everything, as I find that it is such a distraction from the real reason for the holidays. Being here, however, I miss those things. I miss the Christmas spirit and feeling in the air around Christmastime. So that is why I find myself fleeing to one of the only places that is playing Christmas music (other than my own computer!) at this time of the year. 

I sat down in Starbucks and was content with the music and the atmosphere (they air condition it heavily, so it makes me feel like it is actually cold outside), until all of the sudden the song "I'll be home for Christmas" starts playing. It took all of 0.325 seconds for me to be overwhelmed with emotion that I never thought would happen. I was reading a book and instantly knew that I needed to leave Starbucks quickly before embarrassment ensued. I was tearing up with no good explanation and needed to leave as soon as possible. Classic case of suppressed homesickness. Sneak emotions are just not cool....you think you are okay, and then BAM. The thought of not being home at Christmastime with my family scares me, and if I think about it too much I am bound to start crying. I have planned a holiday over Christmas break to serve as a distraction from not being with my family, but there is something so magical about being at home with people who love you on the holidays. I will definitely miss that a lot this year, but hopefully I will be in a place where I can fully focus on the reason for the holiday and rest in knowing that this is God's plan for this Christmas season for me. 

Scuba Freedom!

This past week I got to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time: scuba dive! I always thought it would be really fun, but after visiting the aquarium in Chiang Mai at the beginning of August I was pretty convinced that the separation between me and those sea creatures between that lovely glass partition was as close as I wanted to get. My dear friend Lauren was slightly more uncomfortable with the glass partition there, but I wasn't nervous. It was all really amazing, but I imagined myself diving in that tank and pretty much decided that my open water certification dreams were just that: dreams.

Like just about everything I do, in one spontaneous moment or two I decided I wanted to do it, and without thinking too much about it I signed up and had paid for my PADI open water course. Note: thinking for too long about something usually freaks me right out and would make me not want to do it. This probably sounds irresponsible and wreckless, but it is the thought process behind most awesome outdoor decisions I make (examples: bungee jumping, solo camping, etc.).  All of the sudden while in the beautiful waters in Krabi I found myself wanting to scuba dive so much. I went snorkeling and it was one of the most relaxing things ever. The waters are just filled with tropical fish and awesome things to see, and I so badly just wanted to explore the bottom and see what else was in this hidden underwater world. Hence wanting to scuba dive. This was one day at approximately 1pm, and the next day at that time I was fully signed up for an open water course that started the next day. Now being in Thailand this is something that is offered in the shortest humanly possible time limit, which was 2 days.

I was a little nervous going into the first dive, but primarily because I know that sea snakes inhabit the same waters that I would be diving in. I was not entirely sure if I would be freaked out when breathing into the respirator in the first place. Then having the looming thought of the possibility of spitting out my respirator/having a heart attack under water on the slight chance that a sea snake sidled itself up beside me is enough to make any girl a tad bit nervous. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to find that diving is one of the most relaxing things in the world to me.

This surprised me a great deal actually. Being trapped underwater and being completely reliant on one oxygen source and your ability to hold on with dear life to the respirator sounds like it could be potentially stressful, but it was actuallly quite the opposite of that. I found it to be one of the most freeing experiences where I was so curious to look at everything and explore the depths of the ocean floor. I saw so many amazing things, and was in complete awe of things, rather than being scared. I saw massive stingrays, triggerfish, so many sea turtles, and a plethora of tropical fish as well as massive puffer fish. I also almost put my hand on a lion fish, but the guide swooped in and tackled me out of the way of that mess. Haha I had no idea what it was and did not see it at all, but apparently that wouldn't have been good news.

The whole experience to me drew a parallel between us and God. I felt so free, but also so reliant. I wanted to explore and I felt so safe to do so, but I was also limited in what I could do and see because of oxygen levels, etc. I never once felt contained by those limitations underwater, but they were there. The ocean is so vast and open, and it felt so safe to me even with so many creatures that could be potentially dangerous. There was even a point where I thought I would be ok if I saw a sea snake because I didn't feel like the situation would be as terrifying as if I was on land. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. A moment where I was not scared of seeing a sea snake and being completely at peace with the underwater world!!!! The entire time I knew that every moment and breathe was consciously focused, but there was purpose behind the focus. This is the same, or should be the same, with our daily lives, but instead of the focus being on breathing it is God. When I was so entirely focused on the task at hand, everything else seemed to flow easily. I find this so often with my walk with God. When I am doing things on my own, I panic and often fall short of the goal. When God is included in the plan and I take time to meditate on Him, all of the sudden the problem is solved without me even knowing there was a solution already being worked out.

Diving taught me far more than just the basic mandatory skills for my certification, but it opened my eyes to what I want my life to feel like on land. I want that same peace on land that I had under water. I was completely reliant, without a choice, and all of the sudden fear was abolished and I felt completely free in a very limited environment. God has graciously given us so much choice, but with that ability to choose we often create problems for ourselves. I want to be as reliant on God on land as I was reliant on my respirator under water. I want that freedom with limitations, and I want to focus on God as easily as we focus on breathing. Man, wouldn't life be incredible if we could do that all the time!

For those of you who need a quick life update (sorry I haven't updated much recently at all): finished semester one, finished report cards, friends are visiting from Ontario and we went to Krabi, went rock climbing, snorkeling, scuba diving, did Thai cooking class, lied on the beach, and am gearing up for a visit to the market tomorrow for their last day here :( That's all for now, but I will update soon and hopefully get some pictures up in the next few weeks!

HIRING: Snake Guard

JOB POSTING
October 2, 2012
Company: Chrissy Hates Snakes
Position: Snake Guard
Responsibilities: This position is similar to that of a body guard, but has the extra added privilege of protecting Chrissy from snakes.
Qualifications:
Must have the ability to protect Chrissy from snakes and kill snakes on a moments notice.
Must walk Chrissy everywhere all the time so that she is protected from snakes and distracted from the fact that they even live in her vicinity.
Provide entertainment to distract Chrissy from the daunting reality that there are snakes everywhere.
Fear of snakes prohibited.

Start Date: Immediately/Yesterday

Please send in your applications ASAP! No time like the present for such a highly sought after position ;)

Ok, so this is a bit of a joke (only slightly), but it comes from my very traumatic experience today. I saw a snake, and it was the first one I have seen outside of a bucket in Thailand (minus dead ones on the road). For anyone who knows me, you can just imagine what sort of reaction this must have created. I must say that I was surprised at my reaction though. I managed to not burst into tears immediately and contained myself for at least 3 minutes. My heart did race to the normal 250 bpm and it felt like someone jump started my heart while I was still conscious, but I managed to only let out a small scream (more like a yelp) and proceed to run away from the scene. I am pretty sure I didn't cry because I was just in too much shock. The snake was in such an unsuspecting spot (to me, at least), that it shocked me completely. Not that snakes usually make their presence known and warn you they are coming, but this was just unusually shocking.

I think this is one of the most terrifying aspects of snakes to me. You can be walking along and then all of the sudden, out of nowhere and with no warning there is a snake all up in your personal bubble. I don't like it when people are in my personal bubble, let alone creepy, creepy animals. When I try to analyze my phobia and break it down, the surprising aspect of these creatures is on the top of my list of reasons I hate them. I have been asked a million and two times why I'm scared of them so much and I never have a good answer. It makes you think about it, but I still don't really have an answer. I know it is a completely irrational fear (well, at least when it comes to harmless garter snakes), but telling myself that has yet to be successful in ridding me of my fear.  

I am no snake expert and I don't know where these things usually hide out, but I didn't think in a bulletin board case would be the #1 snake hiding spot. Wrong. Right there in a glass enclosure was this awful thing. I think it was God's way of scaffolding my snake exposure. That is about the closest thing you can get to the zoo in a natural habitat.....a snake that just happens to be hiding behind a glass enclosure (how the heck did it get there?!). I thought God knew that I don't even come near the snake buildings at the zoo though. Not exactly scaffolding when I avoid (like the plague) any area of the zoo that may contain a snake. Or any area in the world actually. It still amazes me that God sent me to Thailand when I (no joke) would previously look at places, check how many snakes were in that place, and then decide if I would ever go there.

All this to say, I survived my first legitimate snake spotting in Thailand, but am now terrified to go outside.

Torn

Today has been a really discouraging day for me. I received the largest insult as a teacher and it leaves me feeling so attacked. One of my students complained to administration today about me, because I was rough on his monthly evaluations. He is a child who has great grades, but cannot handle not being perfect at everything. The minute he didn't receive top scores on every section of the monthly evaluation (5 is the top) he started crying in my class and proceeded to write and say that I was fat and ugly. I know he has not liked me for a while, but he complained to the administration today and told them that I was boring and he does not like coming to school and being in my class. Of course, he has never said any of this to me ever, so it was all news to me.

The administrations response was what made it worse. She simply told me that she told the student that the other teachers personality is fun, loud, and her personality basically makes her interesting, but I am quiet and reserved, so I would not be as fun and interesting because our personalities are different. This was supposed to make me feel better? It didn't. To top it all off, this administrator has never even seen me teach so she has no idea what I am like when I teach. I try and have the most fun I can have while teaching, and it is the biggest insult to be called boring.

It has been a really rough day and my eyes are being opened to things I don't want to see here. Please pray that there would be someone here to provide sound guidance to the administration and lead this place with Christian values. I feel like Christianity is cultural here and boxed in with the norms of the culture. I think that happens in many places, but I am having a lot of trouble with some of the things that happen here under a "Christian school" name. Christianity cannot be contained within the cultural box we live in. We are supposed to stand up against some things, even though it is hard. I pray that in some instances there would be strength and courage to stand against norms here that don't align with Christian values. I don't want to work for a Christian school where money is the motivating factor, but that seems to be the case here. Bribery is present everywhere, and the child's education seems to be on the back burner in many cases. I am so torn right now. Please pray for me as I am feeling so under attack, and please pray for this school. It is in desperate need of guidance.

Parent/Teacher Conferences-Cross Cultural Style!

I just successfully finished my very first parent/teacher conferences and it feels so strange. I think it being the first parent/teacher conferences where I am the teacher would have felt surreal and strange in any circumstance, but when you bring in the cross-cultural aspect of these parent teacher conferences it probably was at a whole other level of strange. 

I am learning how to speak while having a translator. That itself is a skill, and one I did not have or even knew I needed to have before coming here. I never know when to stop and let the translator cut in. Sometimes I feel like I am saying too much and the poor person translating for me is going to have trouble remembering what I have said. This is one problem, and the other is when you say only a few words, pause for translation, and the person translating looks at you as if to say "why have you stopped talking?"You then have this awkward amount of time where nothing is being said and everyone smiles and laughs and pretends a joke was told. Speaking of jokes while translating, this has to be the funniest part of any thai/english conversation! I intently listen to the Thai conversation while the parents are speaking for a couple reasons. Mainly, their body language says so much and I can sometimes gather what they are saying from this. Second, I am hoping that God will miraculously give me the skill of being able to understand what they are saying and be able to speak fluently in Thai! As you intently listen, however, you feel like you should know what is being said. So naturally, when someone laughs, you laugh along with them, right? Right. Well, this is slightly awkward because they wonder why you are laughing because they know you do not speak any Thai and do not know what their joke was. Also, I find that I never actually figure out the joke, because it is never told to me. I think maybe it doesn't directly translate or something, and then you are left laughing at things and having no idea why you laughed, and having the other person know that you have no idea why you are laughing. At least when I do that in an English conversation (pretend I know what is happening and respond to social cues around me) no one can usually figure out that you don't know what the joke was. 

Second best is when you tell a joke and wait three minutes and then all of the sudden they are laughing. This means that the joke has been translated, but usually by this point you have forgotten what was said all together and then the other person looks slightly crazy. I am getting better at this art of being translated for, but it is a work in progress. I truly do think it is an art to be able to have a conversation without ruining the flow by not speaking enough or speaking too much before the translator comes in. 

This is when you have a translator though. When there is no translator, this makes things even more interesting. I had several conferences that started and got nowhere because I can only act out so many things. I have never been so happy to see a translator enter the room in those moments of miming desperation! 

Today I had a parent who came to me and tried to have a conversation to tell me that he does not speak English well. I find these conversations funny, because by the time the 10 minutes are over and they have successfully said "I can't speak English very well" (and by that I clearly meant "I can't speak English good"), I am quite aware of this reality. In fact, it takes all of maybe 30 seconds to know that they are struggling with English, but I do my best to be accommodating because I speak nit noy Thai and would not be able to speak in their language. He explained to me that he can't really speak English and when I looked at the sheet I see that he had not requested a translator. This is my favourite. I know he is not Thai and his first language is Korean. How difficult would that be for him....yikes. I speak English....he doesn't. The translators speak Thai....that's not his main language. He told me he speaks Thai better than English though, so I told him a translator might be our best option, but he said his Thai was not good. It was good enough for this meeting though, and he was much better at speaking Thai than English. My other option would have been interpretive dancing to show him how his daughter is doing so far. That's universal, right? Let's just say all parties should be happy he learned enough Thai to be able to understand the translation ;) 

The weirdest part of parent/teacher conferences is seeing how much parents respect your opinion and value what you say. I am so young, and all the parents I am speaking with are much older than me. I am telling them things about their child's learning, and they are asking questions and anxiously awaiting my reply. Reality check. I am 23 years old and parents want to know my opinion and what I think about their child's education and behaviour? That is crazy to me. I had some frustrated parents who just wanted answers with what to do with their child. They were asking questions to me that a doctor or psychologist should answer, and were hanging out to every little thing that came out of my mouth. Inside I was reminding myself that I was 23, but the minute I pulled my professional pants on in the morning I must have aged 20 years or so. "To be completely honest, I am trying my hardest and don't know what the solution to your child is", is what I was thinking to myself. In one way it is a nice feeling to be entrusted with so much and have your opinion valued, but in another sense I feel like I am completely unqualified to be able to share my opinion and thoughts with someone and have it hold so much meaning to them. Thankfully I serve a God who laughs at me as I step into this adventure of teaching and provides me with guidance in what to say. Multiple times throughout these conferences I felt like I was given things to say that came out of nowhere. My only explanation is that God knew what needed to be said and was there to help me deliver it. 

I have finished my first parent/teacher conferences and parts of them were eventful. I have learned that with God's help I can be well spoken and communicate with parents, even when it is not the best news I am delivering. I have also successfully communicated with a language barrier, whether it be through acting, translated conversation, or rapid pointing at different words and numbers with massive amounts of expression on my face! 

A Little Taste of Thailand!

We always want what we don't have. We always want something that is different than our current circumstance. That is me right now. And I'm not talking about my entire experience here, but one aspect of that experience: the food. When I am at home I enjoy eating food from different places, and will often desire food that is not "North American". Note: I am not entirely sure what North American food is, other than it is probably anything gross for you that clogs arteries, etc, etc. I love Thai food, but going from eating the Americanized version of something to the real deal can be a little shock to the system. For those of you who have not experienced this out-of-country phenomenon, this is when a familiar dish holds very little familiarity because most of the ingredients are changed to the local vegetables, and there are many different additions and subtractions. Also, I am sure most food that is here is not even found in "Thai restaurants" in Canada.

I tend to like to be able to identify the food I am eating. I have always been a little bit OCD about this, and I always have to have the lights on bright when I eat. If the family ever had dinner and a movie nights, I would make sure that the lights were on so I could see my food. I just need to know what I am eating and be able to know. I also have to smell my food before I eat it and any cup/container that I am going to eat out of/drink out of before I put anything into it. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have always been this way. I think I have lost this OCD habit of mine, because there is no use here. I can eat in the most well lit room and I still don't know what I am eating. I will ask if there is any seafood in something and then break out in hives to find out that there was something fishy with my food (literally...ha). A lot of the food here is an adventure, but there are a lot of very delicious adventures. There are also many a food adventure that I wish I never took. When it comes to hiking and outdoor adventures, there are some that have been hilarious and had mishaps, but I can't say I can look back and want to reverse my decision to go on any of them. This is a different sort of adventure than a food adventure. There are many food adventures that I would retrospectively reverse in a second.

I find myself wanting North American food often. The problem here is that most American sorts of food that they offered are just food that is bad for you. You can find hamburgers and McDonalds, which are familiar, but not something I want to eat. The familiar places include fast food chains like KFC, McDonalds and Dairy Queen. I never have cravings for this type of food from home. I crave the weirdest things here and if I were to make a list of the foods I miss most it would include the following:

1. Quinoa. I dreamt about a package coming with a bag of quinoa in it and it made my week. Then I woke up. Worst.
2. Yams. The closest things to yam here is Japanese pumpkin, so I have taken a liking to this stuff. I currently have 4 Japanese pumpkins sitting on the table waiting for me to consume them. I just love yams and they are probably one of my favourite foods.
3. Avocado. I love avocado so much and they have it here, but it is not the same as home. It doesn't really even taste like the same thing.
4. Licorice Tea.....this country doesn't know what its missing by not stocking its shelves with licorice tea!
5. Twelve grain bread-this might be the first food I eat when I come home. They have bread here, but it is mostly white or a very bleached version of whole wheat bread.
6. Cheese. They have cheese here, but it costs an arm and a leg for about a fingernails worth.
7. Peppers. Peppers are super expensive also, and just so delicious. I eat them like apples at home, but that cannot be done here when they are $2 a piece.
8. Cereal. I just love cereal, but there are multiple problems with cereal here. First, they don't carry a lot of cereal. Second, the cereal they do have is all sugary cereal, which I don't eat anyways. Third, it costs so much (maybe $10) for a box of cereal. The glimmer of hope in this situation is that for some weird reason Corn Flakes are cheap here. You can get them for $2 a box, and I do love corn flakes! I am pretty certain this is because everything in this country is made with a combination of corn and fish, so they obviously would carry corn flakes! Either way, I'm stoked they have corn flakes.

I am going to stop my list there, because I realized it is getting long and I sound like I am complaining. In reality I never thought I would miss these foods, but I do! Rice and noodles get old quickly, and things like pork balls take some getting used to! I think the funniest thing I have encountered at school lunch so far has been chunks of congealed blood in some of the dishes. Most school lunches are unidentifiable  anyways, so congealed blood can be masked in the contents. It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

All in all, Thai food is not bad. I eat most of my food off the street, and there are some good things. When I travel I get to taste some of the most delicious Thai food and it makes me really enjoy Thai dishes. I know that as I write this I want those things that I listed on my list, but I can also predict that when I get home I will be craving things that I have here. As I said, we never want what we have, and we always want what we don't have. I just have to remember that one day when I am back home I will be craving Som Tom and will not be able to have it there, so I better enjoy it while I can!

Month Overview!

Sometimes it is hard to think of what to write about and tell people about, not because nothing has happened, but simply the opposite: far too much has happened. I feel like life here recently has had so many things going on that I simply get overwhelmed when I sit down to blog. This last month I have travelled several times and have spent the rest of the month sick.

I started the month going to Chiang Mai with a friend, and it was absolutely fantastic!! I got my fix of mountains (Thailand style) and it was  jammed packed trip full of really awesome things. We got to go on a trek and we climbed the second highest mountain in Thailand (didn't know this till we got back) and slept in a mountain village that was absolutely beautiful! Treks are so awesome because you get to do a lot of great things, all the while meeting sweet people from all over the world. Our trek included people from Spain, Holland, England, US, Canada, and Thailand, and there were a wide array of languages being spoken at any one time. After the trek we got to venture up a mountain to a temple that is famous in Chiang Mai called Doi Suthep. We went to night markets, saw a sweet zoo and aquarium and even stood and watched a truck being pulled out of the river!!! All in all, Chiang Mai is one of the most beautiful places and it was a breath of fresh air to be a little more out of the city than here in Nonthaburi!

The following weekend I went on my first adventure by myself. I went to Phuket and stayed at a gorgeous beach! I went rock climbing to an island called Koh Panyee, which was just breathtaking. We got to take a boat there (obviously, it's an island!), and it bypassed some of the most gorgeous scenery imaginable. There are all these islands that are crazy limestone rock formations, and we were just weaving through them. It was all a little surreal. I was sitting in a boat on a trip by myself in the South of Thailand seeing the most beautiful things. How did this happen and how did I end up here? The day was great and I met two Australian friends who were awesome. We just happened to have the same flight time home the next day, so we were able to share a taxi to the airport! That was so awesome and totally a God moment, because the taxi was one of the only expensive things in Thailand (1000B) and my flight left at 9pm, so it seemed so rare that they would be leaving that late too!

Following rock climbing I got to hang out at the beach and chill. I pictured myself lying on the beach relaxing, but realized I think I am incapable of doing that! I could do anything in the world I wanted to, and I could only lie there for a max of 20 minutes. I wanted to walk and adventure and swim. I think I am slightly ADD in that sense. I decided to go on an adventure to see the sunset at a viewpoint down the coast. It apparently was something I needed to photograph, so I headed out on this adventure. I will not go into any further details because my mother may faint reading about this experience, but it was possibly one of the sketchiest moments I have encountered in Thailand. Moral of the story: I have a God who loves me and protects me! I have come to realize that you can encounter unsafe moments at any place and time in Thailand, and unfortunately they are unavoidable in some cases. This could be terrifying, but instead I know that God has his hand of protection over me, and everything is in His plan.

I came home from this trip and was sick on the airplane home. That is the first time I have ever been sick on an airplane and it wasn't the best experience of my life. I think I was on the only airline without puke bags. Lesson: in Thailand always bring your own a) toilet paper and b) puke bags! I got to the taxi finally after hours of delays with my flight and was so happy to be headed home. Unfortunately I got a very sketchy taxi driver who had rigged his meter in his taxi. I didn't notice at first because I was texting my boss to tell her that I would not be coming to school in the morning because I was sick. I looked up to see the meter read 380 baht and it had only been about 10 minutes. The whole trip is supposed to cost 300-350, and I still had 30 minutes to go. I asked what was wrong with the meter, and he pretended to not know English anymore. Before this, he was the only taxi driver I had met who could speak English, and speak it very well. All of the sudden I was in a really bad situation. I had already paid the highway fares and we were on the highway, but I actually did not have the amount of money that was on the meter with me. I told him this and told him that I couldn't pay him. Immediately he got REALLY angry and started yelling at me. My heart was in my throat and I'm certain he could hear my heart beat. I had about 392 baht all together and had paid 80 already for the highway fares, but his meter was going up rapidly. I wasn't sure what to do, because I felt like i might die, so I called my boss. It was probably close to 1 in the morning at this point, so it's not exactly the time you want to be calling people. Eventually I made it out of the taxi and I was not killed, but I may have lost a few years off my life through rapid heart beating stress. I never want to take a taxi alone again ever, but realized this is not a realistic thing. I just have to trust that just as God protected me in this situation, He will continue to protect me. Living in a place that is substantially less safe than Canada, I am really feeling God's hand of protection in a lot of situations!

I got home from this trip and since then have been teaching, living life, and continuing to be sick. I have  caught something that is just not going away, and going to the doctor here is not on the top of my list of things to do. Everything here is either traced back to the fact that you are fat, or they will just over diagnose you and give you a million things to take and basically tell you that you have cancer every time you see the doctor. I also get the feeling that you are being ripped off as a farang, because it is not cheap to see the doctor and there are always so many additional charges that I feel I didn't even need. The communication thing is still an issue and is frustrating when dealing with medical things. I have been feeling like passing out all week and it is not blood sugar related. I have absolutely no energy and have been lightheaded and dizzy for almost a week now. Please pray that this will stop and I will be feeling back to normal.

This is a look into the things that have been happening here recently. Oh, and I started parent/teacher conferences yesterday, but that is a full story in itself! Cross-cultural parent/teacher conferences have so many funny aspects! I will write about that soon, and keep you updated!

Discouraging Doctor

I seem to have some awful luck with doctors, and today was no exception to this. I had booked an appointment a month and a bit ago to see a diabetic doctor at one of the really well know international hospitals here. I was excited to finally have a doctor that spoke English, even if it did cost a little more. I even looked at the profile of all the doctors online and specifically chose this woman, because on her credentials listing it said that she had experience or a speciality in diabetic problems. I think their website may need some updating or something.

I arrived to the appointment, and entered the room and the doctor says "whats your problem?". I was a little caught off guard because I wasn't expecting to have her start in right away, and I didn't even know her name and we had never met. I realized though, that I am on a long roster of people that see the doctor, so she doesn't have time for me. She needs to get through things quickly, so she doesn't have time for menial details like my name, or the fact that I am diabetic. I told her I was having trouble with overnight lows with no pattern, and she looked at me and said "overnight? what does overnight mean?". DHLBJKSHCKJBJNCJK AHhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I am so sick of people not speaking English and having NO IDEA what I'm saying to them. Don't boast you are an English doctor when you don't know simple words. I then proceeded to act out sleeping and hoped I could get that across. She then got really confused, and said "are you diabetic?" Yes, genius. You are a diabetic specialist and all over my chart it says I am diabetic. What part of this is not clear. Do I need to speak in Thai? I can't, so it's probably best that I just leave.

The appointment only proceeded to get better. She looked at me and told me my "obesity is a problem". There had been no blood tests done at this point or any lab work, and she decided that I would need to be prescribed oral medication. Oral medication is for Type 2 diabetics, and she told me that normally Type 1 diabetics do not need it, but since I was so large I would need it. I am sick right now, so luckily my eyes are just naturally watering, so she couldn't tell the difference between tears and watering eyes. I was trying not to cry too much and bracing myself till the moment I could run from that place. I asked her if I could see a dietician at some point, because I am having trouble knowing how many carbs are in popular foods here, because I don't even know what is in most dishes I am eating. I thought this might be something helpful and that way I could take something away from this appointment. She told me that she would be placing me on a diet because I am "dangerously large". This diet would be explained to me by the dietician.

So finally I see the dietician who tells me that I am now to be on a 1,000 calorie a day diet that includes no sugars, fats, oils, and salt at all. Basically that is starvation and definitely not enough to fuel myself thinking, let alone exercising. She also told me I should be running an hour a day, and I almost laughed in her face. An hour a day of running while only eating 1,000 calories. That's a practical joke, right? I exited the appointment with a fistful of sheets that had nothing to do with diabetes. They are about weight control, energy expenditure with different sorts of exercise and the calories and fat in many dishes here. I was so excited to see a sheet with popular meals, and didn't even look at the specifics of the numbers. I told her it was exciting to finally have a better idea of what was in some things, and then she told me that this was not carbohydrates, but calories and fat. I was told to "figure out" the carbs. Great, I will keep guessing.

I left the appointment feeling like a complete idiot. I then went to pay, and realized that I would be paying about 1/7 of my monthly salary to be called fat and made to feel really stupid....just awesome!

I wish it didn't bug me when Thai people call me fat, but it does. It happens all too often here, and I am sick of it. This is something I will certainly not miss when I leave this place. I understand I am not the smallest person and wish I could be smaller, but having your self-esteem crushed and beaten down all the time is not going to magically make me smaller. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to beating on myself, and I definitely don't need the help of others.

This being said, please pray that one day I will be able to find a diabetic doctor who is willing to help me and not harm me.....this is all just really discouraging and makes me want to go home.

Day by Day!

I often wish that I could know what God's plans for me were. I yearn to know why everything seems so unpredictable and confusing. The more I think about it though, the less I think this is actually what I want. I like things to be surprising and unpredictable, but only yearn for life to be predictable when things seem to not work out in my favour. I think I would be bored if I knew exactly what life was going to look like, and it would take away a lot of the adventure. And what fun is a life without adventure?

I only desire for things to be predictable because I desire an outcome that aligns with what i perceive the outcome should be. If the outcome is going to be any different, I just want some buffer time to be able to deal with the fact that I am not right and God's plans are so much better. The problem with my thinking is that I am not fully trusting in God's plans for me, and I am still trying to control the way things work out. I am aware that God's plans are better than my own, but I still want sufficient warning to be able to deal with the shock of what is to come. I am not trusting that God will provide the means for me to carry out His plans in His timing. Although I am aware that they are His plans and not my own, I often do not trust that I have the capabilities to carry out these plans. Now this isn't something that I would tell someone, but it is subtly the message that is sent when I am shocked by God's plans and wish I knew them ahead of time.

I am once again in a place where I am unsure of where I will be in a short period of time. This has happened before, and I remember learning to trust in God's timing, because it is much better than my own. This time around, however, I feel like God is teaching me to constantly rely on Him and not worry about tomorrow, but instead to know that if he has placed me here today, he has given me the tools to handle whatever I will face today. I often don't feel this way. I feel terrified and like a little girl. I feel a little bit like David when he was going to face Goliath: small and inadequate. But I need to have the courage that David had, and know that with God on my side I am able to face whatever is brought against me in the day.

I was recently reminded by a good friend of the story in Exodus where Moses is told by God that He will provide manna for the Israelites, but he will only provide enough for them each day. They need to pay attention to the instructions and trust that God will provide for them each day. Those who did not trust and wished to store up the manna came back to found it covered in maggots. I feel like this is what God is teaching me right now. I need not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself (Matthew 6:34). Each day God is providing me with the essential tools (manna) to make it through that day. I am not able to store them up and prepare ahead of time. Instead it is mandatory that I come before God each day for the strength that is required to make it through that day. I am never sure what each day here will hold, and I am not sure where I will be weeks from now, but I do not need to worry about that.

If God provides somewhere else for me to be, I will go knowing that He has opened up doors for me to be there. In the meantime I will rely on him each day and know that I need His strength for each new day. I do not have the tools or capabilities to do anything on my own, but I serve a God who has placed me here for a reason, and I need to trust that He has also provided me with the tools to do what He is asking of me. He will not ask us to do anything for the day that He will not walk through us with and provide us with the strength to get through. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it says "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it". I pray that I am able to remember this as I feel that I am not able to get through days here. Please pray also that I can be reminded of God's source of strength in all moments, even ones where I feel completely unsupported and inadequate.

I am tired and frustrated after this week, and I would ask that you could pray for me as I start this week. We ended the week with overnight camp, so this whole weekend has been spent with students and then lesson planning, so I have not had much of a break. The end of last week ended with me being yelled at by a parent who is requiring something from me that I am not able to provide, and the school administration is not available and supporting me. I know that God can do far more than the administration here (thankfully!!), so I pray that He reveals his plan for this situation to me. Even though I am frustrated, I am so thankful that I am able to come to God for my tools for the day each morning and throughout he day. His mercies are new every morning, and these days I am reminded of that and so thankful for that!

Here are some of the pictures I was able to capture of the adorable students from our overnight camp this weekend. These are a few precious reminders of why I am here and what God has given me to work with:

 The overnight camp theme was the Olympics and I was with team orange! We were the Phillipines!

 The student on the left is in my class. Her name is Plai and she is so animated...I love her! 

Paper airplane throwing contest!

So much excitement! 

 Me: Ma Fuang, who much fun are you having?

Ma Fuang: This much fun! 

(Disclaimer: Ma Fuang is the cutest girl at the school and my dear friend Ms.Lolen gets to teach her!)

These are two of my students at the campfire. Peace is in the background and Niki is in the foreground. Niki is one of my most challenging students because she does not talk, but she is so dear to my heart and I love her so much! 

Having fun making torches! 

Big Day for William Squawklesworth Jr.

In every good classroom there is a signal that is used as an attention-getter. In my classroom, this just happens to be William Squawklesworth Junior. William Squawklesworth Jr. happens to be a rubber chicken, but he is an asset to our classroom and makes me laugh every day. He doesn't even speak, and he is hilarious! The kids have responded well to William, and I could not have asked for a better reception. They put William before themselves, and often asks questions about William. They ask if William can travel with us on outdoor outings. They want to feed William and take care of him, but mostly they fear William. Every time William squawks they are expected to turn to William, give their full attention and stop talking. Never in my life did i think that a rubber chicken named William would elicit such a harmonious response from a class of fourth graders. If someone were to demonstrate an ideal attention getter response, they could watch my classes response to William and know what they were searching for. It is absolutely amazing. I have a lot of fun with William and I often (daily) make up ridiculous stories to do with William. The best part about making up these stories is that my children actually understand me and laugh at me. That is something that is glorious in a classroom full of ESL students. I like to tell jokes and be funny (sometimes), but that can often be lost in a room full of students who don't understand at all what you are saying. I actually feel like a successful comedian when I am able to make most of my students laugh at something. This happened yesterday, when 10 out of 13 kids died laughing at something I said. This is such a rare occasion, but it showed me that all my humour is not lost. I usually will get about 3 kids laughing at any joke, but every time I joke with William the whole class just loves it.

Needless to say, William has been a great addition to the classroom. I have always held a secret place in my heart for William, but did not know this same special place for William was held by my students. Today one of my students crafted a list of member of 4A and this is what appeared:

Please not the last name on the page: William Squawklesworth Jr.!!!! I was in the middle of doing a reading assessment and looked up to see this out of the corner of my eye! It made me laugh so hard! 

 William is pretty darn shocked and flattered at what he sees! He officially made it onto the class list!

Such a great moment in my classroom, and a benchmark day for William Squawklesworth Jr.!

Oh, and side note: it is about the funniest thing ever hearing children who are ESL trying to pronounce William Squawklesworth Jr. It may be one of the cutest things I have ever heard!!

You Never Know: Part 2!

Pretty normal evening. We were headed out to get a taxi to head to the Muang Thong United soccer (football) game and we were greeted with this!!

In case you are wondering what the big deal is, I'll let you know. THERE IS AN ELEPHANT ON THE STREET! Now, the streets in this picture do not look busy, but I assure you that this is a very busy street. And drivers here are crazy. I would never get behind the wheel of a car, and an elephant seems like a recipe for traffic disaster! My question of the day is this: there is absolutely no pedestrian right away here (I mean, none!), but would there be an elephant right away?! 

You seriously never know what you are going to encounter here, and this was another one of those moments. I saw my first elephant in Thailand, and it was directly across the street from the school!

You never know!

I came up with a theme phrase that basically defines my entire Thailand experience: you never know! I was sitting with James, a volunteer here, and we decided that this fits just about every experience here to a tee, and it (un)clearly defines just about everything we experience. This can probably define most things in my life, but especially "normal" happenings in Thailand. I put the normal in quotations, because if these things were actually normal (to me) or any bit predictable, they would not be defined by the statement "you never know". Now some of you may be confused by what I am rambling on about, so I will try and paint a picture for you.

This past weekend we ventured to the beach and were just heading out. We hailed a taxi and the driver had been given directions. He was not pulled over to the side of the road, and instead we met him in the second lane of stalled traffic (yes, thats not weird here). We went to get into the back of the taxi, but couldn't open the door because it was too close to the next vehicle. All of the sudden the taxi started moving, and the next few moments all happened very quickly. I was holding onto the door and was not entirely sure what was happening. I moved quickly with the taxi, but then all of the sudden the traffic started moving. There is absolutely no pedestrian right away in Thailand, and people would feel justified running you over if they honk first to give you warning. Sure enough, the LARGE expedition type vehicle approximately 8 inches away from us is honking at us and proceeding to move. A honk is basically a warning to tell you that you are going to die. You have approximately 0.0004 seconds to get out of the way of the massive moving vehicle. I had a backpack on and was now jumping into the still moving taxi. Not only this, but James was right behind me. I looked back with a look of absolute panic on my face and James is pushing me into the taxi and looks absolutely mortified. He is trying to push me into the taxi further (picture someone literally in diving position trying to enter a taxi....yeah, not the best picture, but SO funny) but is simultaneously attempting to close the door of the moving vehicle and not get crushed by the cars passing. We made it into the taxi and after the shock of the situation started to break I couldn't' stop laughing. You never know. You just never know. That is about the only phrase I could use to describe that moment. Oh, and mom, I am fine. I am being safe. I know this sounds dangerous, but good thing we serve a God who protects us, right? ;)

Hua Hin beach! 3 hours away, and the bus to get there only costs $6! 

Such a beautiful place and a relaxing weekend retreat! 

Another situation where "you never know" describes the moment perfectly. We were on the beach and all of the sudden a monsoon is coming in. If you have never experienced a monsoon, this is truly something that you should experience. Crazy amounts of rain fall from the heavens like a sheet and it comes on so quickly. We saw the clouds and predicted that we would have about 5 minutes to run for shelter. 45 seconds later we were head to toe drenched. You never know. We ran back to the hotel and were eager to get our cameras and belongings into a dry place so we could run around in the monsoon. After returning from this adventure, we were standing on the porch waiting till we dried a little or wrung ourselves out. We were sopping wet and didn't think it was appropriate to walk through the hotel like this. We were going to wait a little, until we spotted something in our peripherals. A cockroach. Gross. Then I moved my head to discover that every cockroach in Thailand was flooding onto the dry porch. Funny fact: when there are monsoons, the cockroaches flood to the dryest place. Funnier fact: that dryest place just happened to be the porch we were standing on. There were HUNDREDS of cockroaches right where we were standing. One of the girls we were with was about to pass out at the sight of them, so we told her to run to her room. I am not even exaggerating that there were hundreds of cockroaches. Later we went down to photograph this moment, and I captured them sweeping them up. It doesn't clearly depict how many there actually were, but it gives a good idea. Once again, in Thailand  you never know.

These were monsoon warning clouds! 

This is when you get the strong hint that you might want to start running somewhere quickly! 

This is what you look like after getting caught in a monsoon! 

Cockroach clean up crew! 

Funny Things!

Have you ever been placed in a situation and wonder how on earth you ended up there? Recently I have been reminiscing about why exactly I am in Thailand and how it came about. I have come to the conclusion that God sure does have a sense of humour, and I am in for one wild ride.

I knew coming here that God wanted me to be here. I never would have imagined that I would be coming to Thailand. To be completely honest, I usually would look at a place, decide how many snakes lived there, and if it was any more than 2 I would seriously reconsider going there. Having this as my criteria for places I would visit, Thailand was obviously not top of the list. To be honest, I had never dreamt of going to Thailand, nor given it much thought before God made it clear that he wanted me here this year. Like never before, I felt like God was leading me here and had a purpose for me here this year. I still am unsure of what that purpose is, and despite many difficulties here thus far, still know that this is where I am supposed to be. It has been a turbulent journey of sorts, and I more than anything would love to be snuggled up in the arms of my mom and dad, but I know that God has a purpose for me here, so I am embarking on a journey here that will (and has) come with struggles.

Here are some of the many reasons God has a sense of humour in sending me here:
1. The population of snakes in Thailand is probably more than the population of people. And there are a heck of a lot of people in Bangkok, let me assure you. I have no proof of this statistic, nor am I about to willingly embark on finding proof for this statistic, but I am almost positive this is the truth. I have never met anyone in my life that is as scared of these creatures as I am, so it is humorous to me that God chose the snake capital of the world for me to live. And I'm not talking garter snakes (which are terrifying also)...I mean pythons and pit vipers. Everywhere I go, I am constantly on edge. My heart is in a constant state of panic, and I often feel like I cannot breathe when I have to go outside in the dark by myself. In fact, I have stopped going outside in the dark, because I just can't do it. In fact, right now jungle ball (the best game ever) is about to start, and I am too scared to leave and go outside in the dark to get to the gym. I know it's pathetic, but I am phobic of snakes, and apparently they make their appearances at night often. God, you're funny!
2. I am allergic to seafood, and I have been sent to the area of the world where EVERYTHING has seafood in it. Before I came here I only ever would get sick to my stomach from seafood, but since being here I have had three allergic reactions and gotten hives. Great. In Canada it is very easy to ignore seafood, and usually no one ever needs to know that you can't eat it. Here I need to tell everyone, everywhere that I can't eat that, and I never know until after if there is seafood in what I ate. God sure is funny!
3. I am pretty good at sweating in Canada, and here the weather gets a few thousand degrees hotter than Canada (give or take 975 degrees). I must say I am getting more accustom to the weather here, but I also think that is because we are transitioning from hot season to monsoon season, which is cooler. Today was really, really humid, but generally the temperatures have been much cooler. I just checked the current temperature, and here is an idea of what "much cooler" means: it is 30 degrees, and it feels like 40 degrees. That is unfortunately what "much cooler" is here. In fact, I only brought one sweater, but have been wearing it frequently these days because I feel like it is getting cooler. I cannot imagine what will happen to me when I return to Canada. Bring on the parkas! Once again, God sure is funny!

Even though all these things seem to make one wonder why I would be here, I know that there are many reasons that make Thailand a great place for me. After all, it is called the Land of smiles, and I do love to smile! It's funny to see where God has placed you, and to think of the journey that led you to that place. I know I am here for a reason. I don't know what it is, but I trust that God is going to reveal that in his perfect timing. I am happy that I did not choose where I would go directly after school, because often my plans are selfishly motivated and are far from God's plans. He never promised me that His plans for me would be easy, as I am definitely experiencing, but He promised me that He would go each step with me and never leave me. This is what I will hold onto as I venture further into this wild ride I am on.

Things to be Thankful for...

Today was another great day in my classroom. I have been thoroughly enjoying God's way of working in sporadic moments and having me trust in Him to guide the way. Today the students in my class were a little shaken up after the teacher accident that I mentioned in my last post. My students were asking a lot of questions, and they were in a little bit of shock. I proceeded to tell them that when I am unsure and I want to feel calm about something, I pray about that situation. I proceeded to introduce my students to popcorn prayer, and I had a room full of kids praying for Mrs. Andrea! It was surreal. I told them that they didn't need to use big words and they didn't need to make it something fancy, but all they had to do was talk to God. I told them some things that we could ask for, and we brainstormed any others. When I asked if anyone other than myself wanted to pray, 8 kids raised their hands (unreal!). I had one student start the popcorn prayer and I had to guide them through the process. Eventually 3 other students prayed, and then the others said that their prayers were already echoed. I ended off the popcorn prayer, and it was such a real moment with my kids. They reminded me what a childlike faith looks like. Some of them don't even know if a God exists and have told me this, but they prayed to God to ask him for help for Mrs. Andrea today. They prayed in normal child language, and it was the most real prayer I have ever heard. Their heart was echoed in the prayer, without eloquent language and "God language" even being a part of it. Often times these things seem like a required element of prayer, but today this was clearly not the case. A room full of students desperately seeking hope for this teacher they know, did not hesitate to come to God with their requests.

After this, I changed my afternoon plans and went with whatever God had in store for me. I decided that we would do an activity to focus on the things that we are thankful for, to relieve some of the tension in the classroom. I wanted the students to be able to focus on all the things they had to be thankful for, in hopes that this would lighten the feel of the afternoon. It was definitely successful and I learned a lot about my kids. I was so encouraged, and my heart melted a little when these were some of their responses:

This one made me so happy. The student drew me with mountains because he knew that was my favourite thing :) I am not going to comment on the way I am dressed in the picture....haha. 

This was done by one of my lowest students. She actually wrote a whole page of things she was thankful for! This was huge breakthrough! 

I don't think I look like that at all.....but the thought is so cute! 

"I like to thank for you and Jesus that love me"-absolute best! This is from the most athletic football (soccer) player in the class, who is just a sweetheart. 

So many things to be thankful for....my students are just so wonderful! 

Prayer Request

I know that I have people that are reading this that are praying for me, and I really appreciate that! I have a prayer request today, and I would love if you could join me in lifting this up in prayer. Another teacher at the school here had an accident today. She fell through a roof and has fractured her heal and her vertebrae in her lower back. We are so thankful to God that the injuries are not worse, but she needs prayer right now for good care here and a speedy recovery. She is always someone who brings a lot of joy to be around, so if you could pray that her joy could be sustained that would be appreciated also. Thank you so much for your care and prayers!

God is Working in Incredible Ways!

It is sometimes hard to put into words experiences that you have, especially when the resounding word to describe the experience is 'surreal'. But I want to keep those of you at home up to date with what is happening in my classroom/life here in Thailand, so I am about to give it my best shot. I have shared these experiences with my teaching colleagues here and we are being blown away by God's presence in my classroom, so it is about time I caught some of you up.

Each morning we have devotion time with my kids, and it is often hard to know what to do in a 30 minute block that is allotted to devotions. Most kids are late and rolling in after the bell, as they operate on Thai time here (makes sense...it is Thailand!), so sometimes it feels unofficial to start anything before most of the kids have arrived. Regardless of this, I think devotions is one of the most important times of the day, so I want it to be something that the kids can relate to and inspires them. Initially, I was completely unsure of how this would happen, and prayed that God would provide direction for me as I conjured up topics and plans for devotions. This may sound crazy and unorganized, but I heard God clearly tell me not to plan ahead and just go day by day (if you know me, you know that I am someone who likes to plan ahead, so this is not me at all). But this is exactly what I did. The first day I thought to myself, what would help me with devotions? I have no idea what my kids know or believe, so that makes it hard to know what to say. Without knowing your audience, you are just throwing ideas out and hoping that someone catches something. God was like, well then ask your students, silly. Ok, so maybe God didn't call me silly, but that is sure how I felt. I decided to have my students do an opinion write on what they believed about God. I emphasized that they didn't have to believe the same thing as me, and that was the beauty of opinion. I was a little scared that they might all say that they believed in God because their teacher did, and they just wanted to appease me. That was not the case. In fact, I saw brutal honesty out of my kids, and applauded their opinion writing. They understood the basis of an opinion write, and I was excited. One of my kids told me this: So with Noah there was a flood. God promised that their would be no more floods, but Thailand is under water, so God does not exist. Logical. Biblical basis. Grade four understanding of this story. She wrote with a certain amount of attitude, but clearly explained to me in her logical reasoning why God does not exist. I was so thankful that she was honest, because now we have something to talk about.

In other writings, students explained to me that they did not believe in God because he does not stop bad things from happening to them. The children from this school grow up in area where they see a lot at a young age. Unfortunately, a lot of children will get chased and attacked by dogs on a  frequent basis, and two of them wrote about this. They said, if God loves me then why would he allow these dogs to chase me all the time? They are asking the age old question of if God loves us, then why does he allow suffering? I was completely blown away. I knew God needed to work in me, because I know how to answer this, but only in an intellectual, academic way. How am I supposed to convey what I know to these children at a grade four level, and when they are all ESL students? Instantly I started praying that God would give me a way to portray what I know in a childlike way. I know I need to be taught so much more to understand this at a simple level. It's crazy to think that to understand something more basically, you have to have a much greater understanding of it. If you know me at all, you will know that the past years of my life have taught me a lot about suffering and it has been a huge learning experience. I have learned a lot about Job and this has been something that I have literally been studying for years.

I knew that my kids needed to hear this, and God made it clear. Tell the kids about Job. When was the last time you heard a children's version of the book of Job? I mean, you hear about Noah's Ark and David and Goliath, but never about Job. Probably because it would seem too depressing, and kids could not relate. Well, maybe a lot of North American kids could not relate to this, because they have not experienced suffering to the extent of some of the kids here. So I knew I needed to share this, because God was making it clear. But how? How on earth was I going to share this with them so that they would not be completely bored out of their minds? I instantly started trying to find something exciting on youtube. A lot of kids bible stories are presented in fun ways, but I was not very hopeful when I typed in "kids bible stories job" in the search bar. To my surprise, there was one video. I started watching it, and it was not the most amazing, but it was much better than I could present. So that morning I prayed that God would open up my eyes to know what to say, and he would open up the kids eyes as well.

I started the morning by talking about Job and did a quick synopsis. I then showed them the video and told them ahead of time that I could really relate to Job. I had to explain what the word relate meant, and then started the video. It ended and we had some time to talk. I explained the reality of Job, and how some parts did not make sense, and some parts were so honest. How could he still praise God through all of this? Wouldn't you get angry? The kids started telling me that if all these things happened, they would be angry or sad, and I told them that I would be too. I thought the conversation was going well, and then one little girl (the same one who told me that she didn't believe in God because of the floods in Thailand) asked me a tough question: "Miss Chrissy. You said you relate to Job. How do you relate to Job?" Instantly, I prayed to God. "HELP!" was the extent of my prayer. How do I answer this in a way that they will understand. I explained to them that I had lost some friends and it was very said. I asked them how they would feel if they came to school tomorrow and their friends weren't there? They all were shocked, and then something unreal started happening in the classroom. One child raised their hand and told me that their puppy died, and that was really sad. I told him that this was very sad, and I was sorry that happened. Once he did this, almost every child in the class raised their hand. I took questions one by one, but none of them were questions. They were comments. "My aunt died because she got run over by a car". "My uncle died too". "My dad die because of this". Each child could tell me about a tragic situation in their own lives, and they were all itching to let me know. It was an unbelievable moment. Seriously unbelievable. In that moment I knew my classroom was a place that these children felt were safe, and they started sharing. It has not even been a week of school, and the kids feel safe. God is already working in unbelievable ways in this classroom, and that moment confirmed this. All of the sudden as I took the comments, it was time for flag. Flag happens after devotions at 9am each morning, and all classes come out and stand on the balcony. It is mandatory that all classes are out there. It could not have come at a worse time. There was huge breakthrough happening in my class, and I needed to take them outside to sing the Thai anthem and hear announcements. Shoot. Ok, but it needed to happen. So we went outside, and when we came back in I assumed their brains would be switched out of devotions mode. Automatically when we got back in the class, the conversation resumed with a students question. We continued devotions and then I told them that we could resume after school or tomorrow morning.

That night I thought about what I could do following that. Once again, I felt like God gave me clear direction. I had not read anything directly from the bible to them yet, because sometimes it is very hard for them to understand English. There are times when I read the bible and wonder what it is meaning, so I definitely feared that the stories would be lost in translation. But I felt like God was saying that I should start teaching them about how to read a bible, and start reading to them from Job. Ok God, I will do that then. Now picture a class full of students (well, 13 of them) as the most captive audience. I never imagined that a bible story would come so alive to them. God gave me the ability to paraphrase what was happening so that they understood, and we had great conversation around how we would be feeling if we were in Job's shoes. When I told them that we were done and would continue tomorrow, they were sad. I had taught them how to find something in the bible, and I told them that it was divided into Chapters by name, instead of by numbers like their math textbooks. When I said this, one of my students raised his hands and asked if he could have a bible! I was SO excited! YES! Yes, I would love to give you a bible. Someone else tuned in and said "me too!". I was beyond excited. I then took a class vote to see how many students would like a bible? 10 out of 13 kids wanted a bible. Wow. This was unreal!!! Also, I was so excited in this moment, because I knew that the three who did not want bibles were comfortable enough in my class to be able to share their real opinion. I was actually so excited that they felt the freedom to say that they did not want one!

Quick Side Note: It is super hard to find kids bibles here. I SO badly want to provide my students with bibles. If you have access to somewhere where you can purchase a kids bible, and could send one here, I would LOVE that! Just send me a message and I will gladly send you the address. I am willing to pay for it, if money is an issue. I just do not have access to Kids Bibles over here, and there is a need for those!

There have been many great, great moments in my class. Students have taken my bible off my desk to ask if they can read it for silent reading. Other students have asked to read my devotion book off my desk as well! I know that they probably do not understand what it is saying, but I am praying that God is working and allowing them to gain something from that. Even if they don't understand, they have a desire to know more about this incredibly real God that I am talking about.

This week has been a week where God has been revealing to me the purpose for me being here. I asked over and over what my purpose was for being here, and he is answering. I know that this year is about way more than just meeting the curriculum goals. It is about far more than teaching, and that is the least I can offer these kids. I have a class that was handmade for me with kids that just need to know they are loved. Students who have had parents die at a young age, students who do not speak in grade four, and students who have a disability and have been retained. Each student in my class has been handpicked for this class for a reason. I know that I have the ability to love these students, and I am confident that God is going to use that this year. Please continue to pray that God will use me as a vessel of His love more and more this year. I know God is working in amazing ways, and I have seen a large glimpse of that this past week. However, when God works in amazing ways, I feel that I am being attacked at times. Please continue to pray for me and the children that I teach, and that I would be protected through this (sometimes) tough journey.

I am sorry for the lengthy post, but there has been so much happening here, so it is hard to elaborate in a blog post. I am sure there is more happening that I have missed, but I would love to share with you if you have any questions. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers!